Sheriff's Cucumber Riddle

Lyrics

CHIEF LARRY LAME AND THE LIEUTENANTS “CUCUMBER NEVER SOLVED A CRIME” (Slow Telecaster Intro) (Fiddle joins in) (Verse 1) Another Monday, half past eight, Somebody stole the city gate. Mayor’s shouting, phones won’t stop, Coffee’s cold in every cup. Folks keep saying, “Try your luck.” Luck never filed a report. (Verse 2) Professor Picklehead means well, Talks for hours about the smell. Reggie swears it’s all a song, Most days… I hope he’s wrong. (Chorus) Cucumber never solved a crime. Never caught a thief on time. Never questioned one suspect. Never earned one ounce of respect. Beer won’t write my paperwork. Coffee won’t make handcuffs work. But they sure make long nights easier. That’s enough for me. (Fiddle Solo) (Verse 3) Jimmy disappeared again. Probably writing with his pen. He’ll come back before the end. He always does. Don’t ask me how. (Singer Talks) I stopped asking years ago. (Verse 4) Franky’s quiet. Hat pulled low. Says one sentence… Then he’ll go. Usually he’s right. I hate that. (Bridge) Some folks trust A lucky charm. Some trust prayer. Some trust science. Me? I trust good people… And fresh coffee. (Last Chorus) Cucumber never solved a crime. Never found one missing dime. Never chased a getaway train. Never stood out in the rain. Friends come first. Cases wait. Justice doesn’t like to hurry. But she’ll get there… Sooner or later. (Singer Talks) Usually later. (Final Chorus) Beer never broke my heart. Paperwork almost did. That’s the job. Wouldn’t trade it. Not today. (Long Fiddle Outro)