A Brief Relief

מילים

[Verse 1] I take the look you didn’t mean And turn it into evidence I hear a change inside your voice And build a case against myself again You say you’re tired, I hear my name You close a door, I take the blame I can make a weapon out of anything When I’ve been aiming at myself all day [Pre-Chorus] So if your words come down a little hard I won’t ask what you meant I’ll just fit them in the wounds I was already picking at again [Chorus] I take everything personal ’Cause everything already is Every thought inside my head Has got my handprints on it And when you’re the one who tears me down There’s a strange kind of relief For a minute I can stop Being the one who’s hurting me So go ahead, misunderstand me Say the thing I’m scared is true I’ve been beating myself up all day It’s nice to let somebody else do it too [Verse 2] I know it isn’t always about me That’s the part I understand But knowing never stopped my body From bracing for the back of someone’s hand Not literally — just that feeling Like the room has changed its mind Like everybody got together And found the flaw I couldn’t hide And I’m exhausted from the trial Where I’m the witness and the judge I cross-examine every memory Till even innocence looks guilty enough [Pre-Chorus] So when you’re cold, I call it proof When you’re quiet, I confess You don’t even have to hurt me I’ll fill in all the rest [Chorus] I take everything personal ’Cause everything already is Every thought inside my head Has got my handprints on it And when you’re the one who tears me down There’s a strange kind of relief For a minute I can stop Being the one who’s hurting me So go ahead, misunderstand me Say the thing I’m scared is true I’ve been beating myself up all day It’s nice to let somebody else do it too [Bridge] Maybe that’s why kindness scares me There’s nowhere for the blame to land If you tell me I’m not awful Then I’m stuck with who I am And maybe I don’t want your cruelty Maybe I just want the rest Of not having to invent another reason I deserve to hate myself to death I don’t want another enemy God knows I’ve got one in my head I just want one quiet morning Where I don’t wake up in defense [Final Chorus] I take everything personal Even things that never were I can turn a passing silence Into everything I think I deserve And when somebody finally hurts me At least the hurt comes from outside For a minute I’m not both The open wound and the knife So no, I don’t want you to break me I’m just tired of breaking me in two I’ve been beating myself up all day— I’m trying not to need Somebody else To do it too [Outro] You didn’t say my name I heard it anyway You didn’t say my name I hear it everywhere Maybe one day silence Will just be silence And I won’t have to make it Something I did wrong.