Fat bastard

Lyrics

the only kiss I've had turned at to be a man
played tuba in the high school band
Pretend I'm gay and do bitches Spray tans
Learnt to manicure Just to hold hands
Pretend I'm blind at the beach
And wear my ray bans
and crawl around stealing chicks underpants
last time I saw my dick was when I googled the word micro
and the only way to see it is to Zoom in on the upload

don't let that extra Chromosome
keep you down
don't let your hair lip
make you frown
don’t let that deformed head
stop you wearing that crown
who cares why their staring
at least you got a crowd
it may not be your mother
but im sure SOMEONE out there
would be proud

when I do online dating
from my fake profile
they always want to small talk
and ask about my lifestyle
(“what inspires you”?)
(“spite”)
(“Whats your best angle”)?
(“from behind”)
(“your biggest asset”)?
(“MY ASS”)
(“what’s one thing you lack”)?
(“oh that’s hard to choose”)
(“What scares you most”)?
(“my reflection”)
(“what motivates you”)?
(“Vagina”)
(“What empowers you”)?
(“desperation”)
(“what do you look for In a woman”)?
(“ a pulse”)
(“are you hygienic”)?
(“I’m sorry what does that mean”)

have to use a drone
when its selfie time
the best thing about being fat
is your hard to kidnap, easy to find
my body is a temple
with a food court inside
always the bigger person
when ever there’s a fight
I’ve been on a diet
switched from regular coke to diet

haven't wiped my ass in years
lve been wiping a dimple on my back
got severe nappy rash
all up inside my crack
I have to take viagra
or I pee on my nutsack
Got a custom toilet
cause the other one it cracked

I'm Kurt cobaine but with less brains
I'm micheal hutchinson but more straight
I'm robin williams come lets hang
let that Extra chromosome
do it’s thing
Im ashton kootchers brother
the one deprived of oxygen
I lost weight once nearly chocked on skin
Arnold Swartz-en-eggers twin
the one who plays the penguin
When I take a piss
Hit my face and the ceiling
the insides of my undies
are really unappealing

So many chins
Looks like I’m peering over a stack of pancakes
if I don’t eat every hour my body gets the shakes
im the only one I know
who has prescription chocolate cake

everywhere I go I carry 100 pounds of crack applied for biggest loser but said Im to fat
thought my chin was my chest
assumed I only had one breast
have abseiling equipment
just to get out of bed
When I want sex
they all object
guess that makes me a sex object
When I try to call a girl I
always call collect
I like to make them think
that I am hard to get

its like my hand resent my dick
hasnt been in contact since I was 6
and now my dicks reclused
inside my by half an Inch
I hate the fact these tweezers pinch

the closest thing I've had to love
is when me and my priest would secretly hug
only father figure I’ve had
used to wink at me
and slap my butt
I seemed to be the only one
who found it inappropriate