Maria's Simple Wedding Plan

Lyrics

🎵 “How Do You Plan a Wedding Like Maria?” [Verse 1 – Familiar opening] Now Peter met Maria back in 2-0-0-0, She said “Don’t rush me, cowboy,” he said, “Alright, I’ll go.” They dated through the iPod, flip phone, and TikTok, Took 25 sweet years to finally tie that knot. [Chorus – Same fun intro vibe] 🎶 How do you plan a weddin’ like Maria? No cousins, no coworkers, no band. How do you dodge your great-aunt Dolores, When she’s askin’ “Why no Save the Date in hand?” Peter said, “I’ll call my brothers!”—she said “Nope.” “They’ll just ask why I dragged you down this slope.” So they swore their vows with just the folks, Two moms, one dad, and a box of Cokes— And Maria whisperin’, “We eloped… kinda.” 🎶 [Verse 2 – With the pre-nup gag & profession lines] He wore a suit that said “landlord casual,” She wore scrubs with rhinestones—very fashionable. Peter’s brother asked, “She sign a pre-nup, right?” Maria said, “Careful, cowboy—I bite.” She’s stitched up bar fights and saved three lives, Peter unclogged four drains—and nearly died. They said their vows with no big flair, Just love, and her dad in a plastic lawn chair. [🎉 Verse 3 – Enter the Croatian family tension!] Maria’s mom said, “This is it? No spit-roast lamb?” “No accordion? No yelling? No cousin from Amsterdam?” “She’s Croatian, for God’s sake, where’s the rakija toast?” Maria said, “Relax, Ma—I emailed a GIF post.” She said, “Peter’s nice, he’s calm and clean, But he calls ćevapi ‘Croatian cuisine.’” They skipped the feast, skipped the balkan brawls, No sarma, no aunties climbing the walls— Just vows, and one nervous father-in-law. [Bridge – Cultural mashup meets marriage reality] She brings the shots, he brings the lease, She makes burek, he orders Dominos in peace. He can’t pronounce her grandma’s name, But he fixed her fence and he plays the game. She said, “I’m done with big fat family fights,” And Peter said, “I just wanted parking rights.” [Final Chorus – Full country/Croatian fusion, with flair] 🎶 How do you plan a weddin’ like Maria? With paprika, stubborn pride, and grace. Peter said, “Your uncle yelled at me in Latin,” She said, “That means he likes you—he just hates your face.” They married small, but love runs deep, She holds the meds, he unclogs the heap. They skipped the guests, the noise, the scene— Now she’s his nurse, his queen, his Croatian dream— And her family’s still mad… but at least she’s not single. 🎶