Bigg

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I loved you more than I loved myself Put your heart before mine, put my pain on the shelf You hung the moon in my heart for years While I drowned in a love full of tears You were my lesson, you were my blessing The answer to my prayers, the source of my questioning How can somebody feel like heaven above And still be the reason you forget how to love? I loved you through disrespect and broken promises Kept believing in the man I thought your heart was I thought if I loved you enough, the bad would disappear If I held you a little tighter, you’d become the man I saw in there But the bad didn’t fade, it settled in my soul I kept giving you pieces while I lost control Three times my life almost slipped away Three times I nearly didn’t see another day ER visits, broken bones, stitches in my skin Bruises I concealed, praying you’d never hurt me again Still I stayed, still I tried to understand Still I fought your demons with my own two hands I carried battles that were never mine to win Loved you through your darkness while I disappeared within Tell me how I loved you more than me How I couldn’t see the woman I was begging to be free I made excuses for the damage, forgiveness my religion Called it love when I was dying, called it faith when I was missing You hung the moon, I was living in the night Convincing my broken heart that everything was alright You were my blessing, you were my lesson And I paid for both in ways I can’t explain in a confession I took the embarrassment, the disrespect in public Smiled beside your name while inside I was suffering Let them think you were an angel, let them praise the man you were They never saw me breaking, never knew how much it hurt I protected your name like it was my only duty While you took my faith, my peace, my love, my beauty I cried behind closed doors, then wiped away my tears Came back and loved you like I’d done for all those years For years I stayed hopeful, kept holding on Believing in the man I thought was there all along Until I knew, until I finally saw The man I kept defending wasn’t who I thought at all God, I still loved you, that’s what cuts the deepest My heart still knew your name while my soul was weeping I didn’t stop loving you, I just didn’t want you anymore Couldn’t keep on bleeding just to prove what love was for I had to choose myself, find the girl I’d lost Stop confusing staying with the price of what it cost Gathered up my pieces, learned to stand alone Built a home inside my heart, made my spirit my own I walked away from the chaos, chose a life I could survive Never knowing forever would be gone before goodbye Then in the blink of an eye, you were gone The world kept turning, but my whole world stopped All those years I prayed for the hurting to be through Never thought life would take away the chance to talk to you What do I do with all this love I couldn’t save? With the words I never said and memories that remain? I was finally learning how to live without your hold Now I miss you while I’m mourning all the pain we couldn’t close I remember all the beautiful, remember all the pain The way you hung the moon for me, the way you brought the rain I grieve the man I loved, the man you couldn’t be And the woman I became while trying to keep you next to me You were my safest harbor, you were my fiercest storm The arms that once felt like home became a place that left me torn I found the strength to leave you, found the strength to heal Now I carry love and heartbreak for a story that was real You were my blessing, you were my lesson Two truths in one heart, two sides of the same confession I can miss you and admit the things you put me through Mourn the life we had without denying what was true I can wish we’d had more time and still know why I had to go Love you past forever and still name the pain I know You were the moon I worshipped, the storm I made it through The hardest thing I ever did was choose myself over you If there’s a place beyond this life where all our hurt can end I hope the broken parts are healed, I hope we meet again Not to relive the damage, not to answer every why Just to see the good we had without the tears we cried I’ll love you through the distance, through the silence, through the years Through the memories that warm me and the ones that bring me tears You were my blessing and my lesson, my forever and my pain I’ll carry what was beautiful without pretending it was all the same I loved you more than myself God, I wish I’d loved me, too Spent so long trying to save you Forgot I needed saving, too Now you’re gone, and I’m still here Learning how to live with truth You were my blessing You were my lesson And I’ll love you till my days are through If there’s forever after this If somehow souls can find their way I’ll love you when my time is over But I had to choose myself today I loved you with my whole heart Even when that love left scar You were my blessing, you were my lesson And I’ll love you from whenever you are