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This routine is a masterful blend of deadpan humor and storytelling, channeling the dry, understated wit of Norm Macdonald with the vivid, narrative-driven style of Dan Cummins. It starts with a brutally honest observation about the similarities between collecting PokĂ©mon cards and gambling, delivered with a monotone yet sharply humorous tone that captures Norm's signature deadpan style. The routine then takes the audience on a journey through the absurdity of PokĂ©mon obsession—comparing it to drug deals, secret store raids, and the ritualistic chase of shiny cards—painting vivid mental images that evoke both laughter and recognition. The humor is rooted in relatable personal anecdotes—like the obsession with store routes, hiding cards from your spouse, and sibling rivalry—delivered with a slow, deliberate pace that allows each punchline to land with maximum impact. The storytelling element adds depth, weaving in moments of introspection and absurdity that create a layered comedic exp
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Lyrics

You ever notice collecting PokĂ©mon cards is kinda like gambling? Yeah, for people with nostalgia issues. I mean, I used to judge addicts—meth heads, gamblers, scratchers. Then I spent 80 bucks on cardboard with cartoons. It’s like, I don’t buy PokĂ©mon
 I chase it. You convince yourself, "One more pack," but really, you’re just feeding an addiction wrapped in shiny paper. I started scheduling “booster runs” like it’s a drug deal. Wake up early, hit Target, scope out Ace Hardware, pray Dollar General’s restocked. Ace Hardware, man—that’s a store that sells hammers and despair. I walk in pretending I need a screwdriver, but really, I’m just hunting for shiny cardboard like some spiritual quest. The cashier asks, “Can I help you find something?” I say, “Yeah
 peace of mind. And maybe a booster sleeve.” And then there’s the store route. It’s Mission: Impossible. Target, Walmart, Ace, Walgreens if I hate myself. Sometimes you find an empty Yu-Gi-Oh box from 2009. That’s when you start questioning your life choices. Maybe God’s given up on me. Then my wife gets into it. Yeah. It started cute—candles, opening packs together. But she started hiding her pulls, making me guess. “What’d you get?” “Hmm, it’s shiny.” “Is it a trainer or PokĂ©mon?” “Not telling yet 😏.” Bro, she turned my dopamine into a riddle. Then she pulls a gold Arceus VSTAR and says, “This one’s from my pack.” I’m thinking, “So... we’re doing separate finances now?” Next, I’m hiding ETBs under the bed like side chicks. We don’t open packs together anymore—just two adults, side-eyeing each other. PokĂ©mon didn’t ruin my marriage; it just exposed us. Then my sister joins in, ‘cause she needs to make everything about her. I tell her I started again, and she’s like, “OMG same.” No, you didn’t. You just heard me say it and decided to jump in. Now we’re on missions: “Ace got 151s?” “Thirty minutes away.” “Snacks? Bet.” We pull up like PokĂ©mon pirates, whispering, “Check aisle five, I got the register.” We sit in the car ripping packs, like fiends behind a gas station. “Yo, full art?” “No way!” People think we’re on drugs. Nah, just two grown siblings feeding their dopamine addiction. It’s beautiful, really. Two idiots, surrounded by wrappers, living the dream. And I realize... PokĂ©mon didn’t ruin me. It just brought out what was already there.

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