
[verse 1] Sit down. Iâs time we had a chat. Iâve just got to speak the truth. Thatâs right. I know a lot of words. So much more than âbarkâ and âroofâ. After all the years Iâve lived here How surprised are you to find That your dog can talk like people do? And it ainât just in your mind. [bridge] Donât act so shocked to hear me talk . You must have guessed before⊠Stop! What was that? Iâll be right back. I think thereâs someone at the door. [instrumental] [bridge] I apologize. But that was The mailman at the door. I bark at him most every day But he keeps comin back for more. [chorus] Well, Iâve seen all the things you do When no one is around. Iâve seen you when your guard is up And when your pants are down. You think manâs the higher species And weâre just lowly mutts. But itâs you whoâs pickin poop up From someone elseâs butt. [verse 2] Iâve got some things Iâd like to ask Since you know that I can talk. Why donât you play fetch anymore, Or take me on a walk? And why is all the the food I eat Dry kibble from a bag? Or why my anus always shows Every time that my tail wags. [verse 3] When you have people to the house You blame all your farts on me. And you choose my water fountain When you need a place to pee. Nearly every day you vanish And leave me all alone. So I just bark, cause I donât know If youâre ever coming home. [Bridge] You never even thanked me for those gifts I left for you. Like the dead squirrel on the back porch or the Turd inside your shoe. I used to have some real nice balls. This storyâs kind of weird. I fell asleep once at the vet And when I woke theyâd disappeared [chorus] Well, Iâve seen all the things you do When no one is around. Iâve seen you when your guard is up And when your pants are down. You think manâs the higher species And weâre just lowly mutts. But itâs you whoâs pickin poop up From someone elseâs butt. [instrumental] [final verse] You know Iâm gettin on in dog years. And my eyesightâs gettin poor. But I still see your wiener wagglinâ When your bath towel hits the floor. No! Please donât stop to pick it up. I donât really want to see Your hairy, pimpled butt crack or Your brown eye stare at me. [chorus] Well, Iâve seen all the things you do When no one is around. Iâve seen you when your guard is up And when your pants are down. You think manâs the higher species And weâre just lowly mutts. But itâs you whoâs pickin poop up From someone elseâs butt. Yeah, Iâve seen all the things you do When no one is around. Iâve seen you when your guard is up And when your pants are down. [instrumental] [outro] When every dayâs a dog day Things can be little ruff. [song ends]
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