ONE NOW, ONE FOR LATER

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Verse 1 A city boy called his country friend, Said, “Man, I wanna hunt.” His buddy laughed, “Come down next weekend, I’ll show you how it’s done.” Saturday morning before daylight, They headed through the timber, Till they found a clearing with an old tree stump— And the country boy said, “Now remember…” Chorus “Sit right there, don’t move an inch, Don’t talk, don’t make a sound. Whatever happens, stay put, boy, Till I come back around. Don’t holler, don’t run, don’t do a thing, Just keep your butt right there.” The city boy said, “I got it, man.” Country said, “We’ll see how long you care.” Verse 2 Well, the country boy slipped off through the woods, Laughing underneath his breath. Said, “I’ll leave him there an hour or two, And scare that boy to death.” An hour and a half went crawling by, He said, “That’s enough today.” But halfway back he heard that city boy Screaming half a mile away. Chorus He came running through the briars yelling, “I told you, don’t make a sound! Don’t move, don’t talk, don’t do a thing— Just keep your ass sat down!” The city boy was white as a sheet, Said, “Man, I did my best. But before you start your preaching, You might wanna hear the rest.” Verse 3 “A snake came crawling through the grass And bit me on the leg. I never moved, I never yelled, I did exactly what you said. Then a big ol’ spider climbed my arm And bit me good and hard. I didn’t twitch, I didn’t cuss— Brother, I deserve a damn reward!” Bridge “But then two squirrels came running up And crawled inside my pants. I gritted my teeth and held real still, I swear I gave ’em every chance. They climbed on up and looked around— That’s when things went off the rails… One squirrel looked over at the other one And started flicking his tail…” Final Chorus / Punchline “He said, ‘Let’s eat one now… And take one home for later!’” I jumped that stump, I hit the ground, Screaming, “HELL NO, LITTLE FELLERS!” Forget the snake, forget the spider, I could handle all of that— But when two squirrels start planning supper With the groceries in my pants… I’m gonna move, I’m gonna yell, I’m gonna run like hell through the timber! You can call me city, call me chicken— I ain’t nobody’s damn squirrel dinner! Outro The country boy laughed till he couldn’t breathe, Said, “Well, how’d you like your hunt?” City boy said, “Next time we go fishing… ’Cause ain’t no damn squirrels swimming up my trunks!”