awerysopelea - If I Go Dark

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[Intro] (bare piano, distant breath) There is a room behind my eyes where even I don't turn the light on. --- [Verse 1] I learned to smile with shaking hands, to hold the walls when no one else could stand. I became the door, I became the key, I kept the night from everyone but me. And every voice I pulled above the water never heard me drowning underneath. --- [Pre-Chorus] So tell me— if the light lives in my hands, why can't I feel it when they touch my skin? If I can lead somebody home... why can't I remember where I've been? --- [Chorus] If I go dark, will you still know my name? If all the stars inside me burn themselves away? I carried light like I was born to save it, but nobody told me I could break beneath its weight. If I go dark... don't follow me inside. Just leave one little light on. Leave one little light alive. --- [Verse 2] There are ghosts that wear my face. They know the words I never dare to say. They whisper, "You can rest if you just let go." But I have seen what waits below. And there are people I still need to hold. There are eyes I couldn't bear to leave behind. So I keep breathing like breathing is rebellion, one more second, one more night. --- [Pre-Chorus] Maybe strength was never standing. Maybe strength is being afraid and staying. Maybe hope is not a feeling. Maybe hope is just the voice that says— "Not today." --- [Chorus] If I go dark, will you still know my name? If all the stars inside me burn themselves away? I carried light like I was born to save it, but nobody told me I could break beneath its weight. If I go dark... don't follow me inside. Just leave one little light on. Leave one little light alive. --- [Bridge] (everything cuts — piano only) What if heaven never opens? What if silence is all there is? What if every prayer I've thrown into the darkness was only my own voice coming back again? (cello enters) Then let it be my voice. Let it come back. Let it scream through every crack. (drums building) Because if there is no light waiting somewhere beyond me— then I'll make it. I'll make it. I'll make it from what's left of me. --- [Break] (near silence, whispered) I don't need to be unbroken. I just need to still be here. --- [Final Chorus] If I go dark, say you still know my name. When all the stars inside me look like they're fading away. I carried light until my hands were shaking— now let somebody carry me for one night. If I go dark... don't let the darkness lie. There is still something in me. Something it couldn't take. Something underneath the ruin. Something underneath the ache. (choir rises) And if tomorrow finds me... I will open up my eyes. Maybe I won't be the light yet. But— I'm still alive. --- [Outro] (piano, almost whispered) Leave one little light on... I think I can find it. This time.