Planetary BEEF

Lyrics

🎶 Oooooooh yeahhhh, the planets are fighting, it's gettin' HOT!
🎶 Suns out, tongues out, let’s go!

SUN [smooth, confident]:
[Soulful, gospel-style singing]
🎶 I shine, I glow, I keep the planets flowin’…
🎶 But oh my god, why y’all always fightin’ tho?

[Beat drops into funky bass groove]


---

[VERSE 1 - Mercury vs. Venus vs. Earth]

MERCURY [ differnet voice: hyper, fast-talking]:
🎶 Why’s everyone complaining ‘bout the heat?
🎶 I’m literally bakin’ like a pizza on the street!
🎶 Closest to the Sun, yeah, my life is pain,
🎶 So SHUT UP, VENUS, with your acid rain!

VENUS [female:sultry, dramatic]:
🎶 Ooooh, honey, I got that CO2 glow,
🎶 A hundred atmospheres will crush you tho’…
🎶 Greenhouse slay, I’m too hot to care,
🎶 You mad ‘cause you ain't got no air?

EARTH [Female tiredsarcastic]:
🎶 Y’all think that’s bad? Try humans, please…
🎶 Plastic oceans and conspiracy theories!
🎶 They think I’m flat, they won’t stop drillin’,
🎶 I give them LIFE but they treat me like a VILLAIN!

[Chorus kicks in—big group chant, funky bassline]


---

[CHORUS - All Planets Chanting]

🎶 SPACE BEEF! IT’S GOIN’ DOWN!
🎶 BIG GAS GIANTS & ROCKY CLOWNS!
🎶 NOBODY AGREES, IT’S A GALAXY FIGHT!
🎶 AND POOR LITTLE PLUTO AIN’T EVEN INVITED!

[Dramatic synth stab]


---

[VERSE 2 - Jupiter vs. Saturn, Uranus vs. Neptune]

JUPITER [deep, booming voice]:
🎶 I’M JUPITER, BIGGEST IN THE GAME!
🎶 I GOT STORMS OLDER THAN YOUR WHOLE NAME!
🎶 Red Spot spinnin’, moons keep winnin’,
🎶 Bro, I’m so MASSIVE, I’M BARELY EVEN SPINNIN’!

SATURN [bougie, elegant]:
🎶 Oh, that’s cute, but you lack finesse,
🎶 I got RINGS, baby, I’m the best-dressed!
🎶 Gold and icy, iconic, please!
🎶 Lookin’ like a space-based fashion week!

NEPTUNE [chill, surfer bro]:
🎶 Uhhh, Uranus, my dude, why you sideways?
🎶 Spin like a DJ who had too many Mai Tais?

URANUS [offended, nasal]:
🎶 EXCUSE ME, that was RUDE!
🎶 Some comet hit me—I didn’t CHOOSE!
🎶 I may be tilted, I may be weird…
🎶 But at least MY NAME AIN’T USED FOR REAR-END JOKES, CLEAR?!

[Chorus again, now with disco vibes and a breakdown section for Pluto]


---

[VERSE 3 - Pluto’s Rage (Trap Breakdown)]

PLUTO [emo-trap, screaming]:
🎶 OH WHAT, I’M NOT A PLANET?! THAT’S HOW YOU FEEL?!
🎶 JUST ‘CAUSE I’M SMALL I GET KICKED OFF THE WHEEL?!
🎶 NEPTUNE, I’M TALKIN’ TO YOU, BUDDY,
🎶 WHY YOU KEEP DRAGGIN’ ME THROUGH THE MUDDY?!

NEPTUNE [apathetic]:
🎶 Bro, you cross my orbit, it’s a safety concern…
🎶 Not my fault you’re the size of a germ…

PLUTO [losing it, beat distorts]:
🎶 I’LL SHOW YOU A GERM!!!

SUN [interjects, now full gospel choir energy]:
🎶 EVERYONE, CHILLLLLLLLLLLLL!

[Heavenly organ chord, choir harmonies]


---

[OUTRO - Sun’s Final Word, Everyone Still Arguing]

SUN [big dramatic ending, talking over arguing planets]:
🎶 Look, I love y’all, but this is EXHAUSTING!
🎶 Can’t we just appreciate the vibes? Let’s be a solar family, baby!

[The planets keep arguing as the beat fades out, chaotic ad-libs continue in the background