Lyrics

[Intro – Spoken with sass, light background music]
“Babe… you won’t like how this song ends.
But your snoring gives me no option.

[Verse 1]
It starts off sweet, you’re holding me tight
Then your nose revs up like a dirtbike at night
I counted sheep, I tried earplugs too
But I can not block, the Wookiee inside you

[Pre-Chorus]
Tried rolling you over, put a pillow on your face
You just kept hacking like a pig eating mace
I love you, babe, but here is the tea—
Your REM fills me with total misery

[Chorus]
This is a snore war, baby, and I’m losing the fight
You’re sawing logs acting like a lumberjack at night
I sleep on the couch with a blanket and wine
While you’re in the bed makin’ thunderous rhymes
When you close your eyes- it’s a horrific sight
So now I will sleep alone… again tonight

[Verse 2]
You deny it all—“I don’t snore that loud”
Then why’d the dog leave? Even he tapped out
I’ve got the recordings,a full mixtape
Call it “Snore Volume 2: Hells Earthquake”

[ending– Dramatic & over-the-top]
(Spoken, music fading)
I tried love, I tried lavender, I tried white noise
But you’re louder than a Saturday night with the boys
I didn’t want this, but here’s your fate
I’m done putting out, so you better….. masturbate