I Am Not Healed

Songtext

[Intro] I kept the receipt from the night you left Folded in my wallet with the little bit of breath I had left [Verse 1] Your name still sits in my old phone Under a number I don't call I pass the diner by the bus stop Where you said I had to grow up or fall I took the long way home from work With your jacket in the passenger seat It smells like rain and cheap detergent And every mile cuts underneath I told my friends I'm doing better Then I count the cracks beside my bed The ceiling fan keeps turning circles Like it knows what I can't say instead [Pre-Chorus] If I could trade these hands for new ones Maybe I would let you go But every room I walk into Has your fingerprints in the dust below [Chorus] I am not healed, I just got good at hiding I laugh on cue while the whole house is dividing You took the best part, left the rest here fighting I still reach for you when the mattress starts sliding I am not healed, don't call it getting older I carry your goodbye like a weight across my shoulder If love is a lesson, I failed the closure But I won't disappear just because you don't know me sober [Verse 2] I wrote three verses on a grocery list Between the milk and the frozen peas The cashier asked if I was all right I said, "Just tired," and stared at my receipt My brother keeps the porch light burning Even though I never come around I hear the screen door in my dreams Then wake up to the furnace sound I changed the sheets, I moved the furniture I painted over where your pictures hung But the nail holes make a constellation And every one says what we've become [Pre-Chorus] If I could trade these hands for new ones Maybe I would let you go But every room I walk into Has your fingerprints in the dust below [Chorus] I am not healed, I just got good at hiding I laugh on cue while the whole house is dividing You took the best part, left the rest here fighting I still reach for you when the mattress starts sliding I am not healed, don't call it getting older I carry your goodbye like a weight across my shoulder If love is a lesson, I failed the closure But I won't disappear just because you don't know me sober [Bridge] Maybe tomorrow I will stop checking the driveway Maybe tomorrow your ghost will lose my address Tonight I let the silence say your name once Then I put the jacket back in the dresser [Final Chorus] I am not healed, but I finally stopped pretending The wound is mine, and that means I can start mending You took the best part, but the story isn't ending I still reach for me when the mattress starts bending I am not healed, don't call it getting older I carry my own heart now, steady on my shoulder If love was a lesson, I learned from the exposure I won't disappear just because you don't know me sober [Outro] I kept the receipt, but I don't need it anymore Left it on the counter by the door