Three Kidneys and a Full House

Songtext

[Intro – Spoken, playful] Ladies and gentlemen, raise a glass, To the girl with a pancreas and a kidney that kick ass! Three kidneys, one pancreas, and questionable decisions… Emma, congratulations on your renovations! [Verse 1] Happy anniversary, you medically expensive queen, The funniest damn disaster that I've ever seen. You've got more hospital bracelets than Steve has Hinge matches, Two years deactivated, still swiping on catches! You've got a puzzle on the table, colored pencils on the floor, A deck of cards, three kidneys, and somehow room for more. Two's a party, three's a crowd, that's what they always say, But you've got an extra kidney, so somebody's gotta pay! And I've got one burning question, God only knows, Do your brand-new organs love the blow as much as your nose? Your pancreas said, "Excuse me, I JUST got here!" Your kidney packed a suitcase and demanded a beer! [Chorus – Loud, catchy] Oh, Emma, you're a full house, baby, Three kidneys and a little bit crazy! You've been dealt some shitty cards, But you still beat all the odds! With a filthy mouth and a golden heart, You've been a masterpiece right from the start. You're living proof that life's a game, New spare parts, but the same old dame! Oh, Emma, raise some hell tonight, You're stitched together, but you're all right! [Verse 2] There's Milo on the couch, Mowgli judging from the chair, And your daddy's in his picture with a seat reserved right there. You deal him in for cards like he's just stepped out for a smoke, Then you bring up that he's dead and somehow make it a joke! "Well, Dad, you're looking stiff!" and you laugh until you cry, He's probably up in heaven saying, "That's my girl, oh my." And if he wins the next hand, we'll have questions, naturally, 'Cause cheating from the afterlife is still a felony! You're fearless in the daylight, but when darkness comes around, Every creak becomes a murderer, every shadow makes a sound. Then Jeddington walks out a door, committing zero crimes, And you nearly meet your maker for the forty-seventh time! [Pre-Chorus] Amelia looks up to you, she sees the good you do, And Dominic's got a little crush, but who could blame him too? You're brilliant, kind, and hilarious, though you rarely see it clear, You've got a way of making everybody glad that you're still here. [Chorus] Oh, Emma, you're a full house, baby, Three kidneys and a little bit crazy! You've been dealt some shitty cards, But you still beat all the odds! A pancreas with attitude, a kidney running wild, A dirty sense of humor and the sweetest inner child. You've colored outside every line, And thank the Lord, you're still alive! [Verse 3 – Half-sung, cheeky] Some days we're just two bags of shit, Too tired to move, too stubborn to quit. We sit around and talk absolute trash, No fancy plans, no spending cash. We solve the world's problems, then make them worse, Laugh at something awful, then laugh 'til it hurts. And somehow doing nothing with you, my friend, Is the kind of perfect day I never want to end. You're a queen of hearts with a dirty deck, A pain in the ass, but what the heck? Life tried to fold you, you raised the stakes, And beat the house with whatever it takes! [Bridge – Music softens, emotional] But underneath the jokes and laughter, There's something I need you to know. I remember that this life was never promised, And how close you came to having to go. Somewhere, someone gave a gift, That words could never quite repay. A kidney, a pancreas, another chance, Another ordinary, beautiful day. To the person who gave my best friend The chance to keep on pushing through, I'll never know how to thank you enough, For all the days I still get with her, too. Because she's more than scars and hospital rooms, More than every battle she's survived. She's funny, smart, and beautifully kind, And I'm so damn grateful she's alive. [Final Chorus – Explosive, joyful] OH, EMMA, YOU'RE A FULL HOUSE, BABY! THREE KIDNEYS AND A LITTLE BIT CRAZY! The cards were stacked, you called their bluff, And somehow, girl, you're still tough as fuck! Here's to Milo, Mowgli, your dad's empty chair, Your puzzles, your colors, your beautiful weird flair. Here's to the nights and the days we waste, The inappropriate jokes made in terrible taste! [Outro – Warm, spoken-sung] And when the lights go out and the shadows creep, Remember, Jeddington's just walking. Go to sleep. Your dad's got his seat, your animals have you, And I've got a thousand more stupid things for us to do. You deserve nothing but the best this life can give, A million more reasons to laugh and to live. And when we're old and still talking shit, I'll save you a seat right next to mine. Happy transplant anniversary, Emma. I'm so fucking glad you're here. Now shuffle the cards, you three-kidney bitch. [End]