Leaving Who I Was

Songtext

[Intro] I left the porch light burning for a house I couldn't keep Your jacket on the banister, your note beneath the keys [Verse 1] You said, "Don't make a promise if you're packing by July" I watched the moving truck turn blue against the blinds Two paper cups of coffee, both forgotten on the sink I kept the one you touched there longer than you'd think I drove past Miller's market, took the long way through the park The receipt inside my pocket had your handwriting in the dark Every little ordinary thing got heavy in my hands Now I'm learning how to stand where we used to make our plans [Pre-Chorus] If I call, I know you'll answer If you answer, I'll go back So I bite down on the question And let silence take the wheel [Chorus] I don't need you to come home I just need this room to quit remembering Every nail, every coat, every mark beneath the paint Keeps your name alive in me I can carry what is broken I can sleep without the door unlocked But the hardest part of leaving you Is leaving who I was [Verse 2] Your brother found the toolbox underneath the spare-room stairs He asked me if I wanted it; I said I didn't care But I took it in the hallway, set it down beside the frame Some things leave through the front door, some stay attached to names I changed the sheets on Sunday, moved the chair beside the wall The apartment looks much bigger when there's no one here at all I used to blame the distance, then the weather, then the time Now I blame the honest answer: we were both afraid to try [Pre-Chorus] If I call, I know you'll answer If you answer, I'll go back So I bite down on the question And let silence take the wheel [Chorus] I don't need you to come home I just need this room to quit remembering Every nail, every coat, every mark beneath the paint Keeps your name alive in me I can carry what is broken I can sleep without the door unlocked But the hardest part of leaving you Is leaving who I was [Bridge] Maybe somewhere past the county line You found a morning that feels kind Maybe I will too, in time Not tonight, but I won't lie [Final Chorus] I don't need you to come home I can let the quiet be a quieter thing Every nail, every coat, every mark beneath the paint Won't decide what I will be I can carry what is broken I can sleep with both my hands unlocked And the hardest part of leaving you Is finally letting go [Outro] I turned the porch light off tonight And left the keys beside the door