My Sweet, Sexless Sixteenth

Lyrics

[CLASSIC HORROR MOVIE SAMPLE]
("The drug that you were administered was truly no drug at all!.. You were injected with-.... ....-vampire's blood!!.. Now you can feel the curse beginning to take hold over your very being, and soon, you will be-.. ..-a vampire!!!!")
[VERSE 1]
I rise from my black casket,
Coat my face in pancake mix.
The sun has left the sky cold blue;
The time is six past six.
I hold the lighter's flame to the tip
Of my pencil-eyliner -
Then it softens up, I put it on,
Time for vampire's coffee at the diner!
[BRIDGE 1]
Don't fukk with me after I've had my caffeine!
Magnificent stimulant turns me into the Ice Queen!
[CHORUS]
It's seven-thirty P.M., my parents think I'm in bed!
Little do they know, that's when I join the Undead!
I wear a flowing black veil upon my delicate head!
Barista knows instead of creamer, I use blood instead!
[1950s HORROR MOVIE SAMPLE]
("Well, fancy that, for a change!.. It appears as if Little Emily Rabbitbottom has changed from an innocent, tiny, Christian church-loving seven-year-old girl into a crass, rule-ignoring, Rock N' Roll-dancing, Devil Worshipping sixteen-year-old societal outcast who calls herself a 'vampire', even though she refuses to eat meat, and won't even indulge in the random glass of cow's milk as she stuffs her morbidly obese, pudgy, three-hundred-pound body full of vegan cookies - a classicly-acknowledged staple in the modern vampire's daily diet, apparently!... Positively frightening!!!!!")
[VERSE 2]
I'm into foreplay with whips,
But I'll not kiss you on your lips.
Won't let you ever go inside me -
No, not even just the tip!
Saving myself for marriage -
Don't you dare get an erection,
Because this vampiric seductress
Won't indulge in premarital displays of affection!
[BRIDGE 2]
In my pleather lingerie, whip in one hand - in the other, veggie burrito;
Leave such a lasting impression after parading my depression - now my friends call me Annie DeVito!!..
[CHORUS]
It's seven-thirty P.M., my parents think I'm in bed!
Little do they know, that's when I join the Undead!
I wear a flowing black veil upon my delicate head!
Barista knows instead of creamer, I use blood instead!
[EVIL CARNIVAL MUSIC PIPE ORGAN SOLO]
[BRIDGE 3]
We are the Gothic Girls - have you seen us?!
We won't touch garlic cloves, a cross, or your penis!..
.....-well, not until you ask for my cold, dead hand in Holy Matrimony, and we are wed in the eyes of our Dear, Loving Lord and his son, Jolly ol' Jesus Christ, at that quaint, pretty Catholic chapel just down the street from my cheery, sun-filled apartment over on Apostle Avenue, that is!-.......
.........-Oh!!.. I almost forgot!... RRRROAARRRRR!!!!! I'M A SCARY VAMPIRE WHO'S A VIRGIN!!!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY SWEATY AND SACRED VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!
[CHORUS]
It's seven-thirty P.M., my parents think I'm in bed!
Little do they know, that's when I join the Undead!
I wear a flowing black veil upon my delicate head!
Barista knows instead of creamer, I use blood instead!