Lyrics

[Verse 1]
On top of a hill where the wind gets loud,
Sits a mad little hotel that draws a wild crowd.
Forest Hill’s pride or maybe its shame,
But once you check in, you won’t leave the same.

Big fat Sarah runs the show with a glare,
Yelling at the staff from her gold-plated chair.
Mr. Peck’s the owner with secrets to keep,
And under the floorboards, something don’t sleep…

[Chorus]
Welcome to the Frodsham Hotel,
Where the gossip’s hot and the stories swell.
From murder to breakfast, it’s a daily show,
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry — you might not go.
(But don’t ask what’s under the floor…)

[Verse 2]
I’m Harrison, yeah, the handsome face,
Holding this madness with a touch of grace.
Alex on reception, beauty and brains,
Keeping cool while dodging the flames.

Elaine runs the desk with Bobby the dog,
While Bryan sings Dollar through a disco fog.
Ray rants politics like Alf on the telly,
While Chalky burns toast and gets egg on his belly.

[Chorus]
Welcome to the Frodsham Hotel,
Where the drama’s deep and the drinks don’t sell.
The nightclub’s closed, but the spirits moan,
And Cerys runs wild like a pocket cyclone.

[Bridge]
Chris and Jake — two kitchen pricks,
Throwing pans and childish tricks.
Morgan’s snitching, Adam states facts,
Looks like Jim — but dressed in slacks.
Every hallway’s got a tale,
And the staffroom’s basically a holding cell.

[Verse 3]
There’s ghosts in the cellar and beer on tap,
A murder mystery under the welcome mat.
But come for a night — if you dare to stay,
You’ll get front row seats to the Frodsham play.

[Final Chorus]
Welcome to the Frodsham Hotel,
Where secrets rot and the oddballs dwell.
No stars, no spa, just a bloody good tale —
We’re all mad here, and business is well…

(Spoken)
…suspicious.