Lyrics

There was once a moose named Thomas Baffrey,
He was my very best friend.
We went on so many adventures together,
I didn't know how soon all that would end.

Now, Thomas introduced me
To everyone he knew in the woods.
You see, that didn't mean just all the fauna;
There were lots of ghosts, monsters, and bugs, and he knew all of them good.

Then one day, Thomas and I happened upon a half-eaten Twinkie.
It was covered in thousands of ants, and Thomas stopped us in our tracks, gave me a winky.

And then Thomas said,
"Hello, Pete. You look neat!
Hello, Lars. How are the cars?
Hello, Stephen. At the casino, did you break even?
Hello, James. Y'get t'know some new dames?
Hello, Bobby. How was it at the Hobby Lobby?
Hello, Rick. Is your best friend sick?
Hello, Pat. That's an interesting hay!
Hello, Lou. How d'ya do?
Hello, Charlie. Do you still eat barley?
Hello, Jack. Did the doctor fix your back?
Hello, Don. Smellin' good! Got some new cologne on?
Hello, Jesse. Your antennae look messy.
Hello, Phil. You look dressed to kill!
Hello, Blaine. I see your forehead vein.
Hello, Brock. Ya' finally join TikTok?
Hello, Chuck. Did they fix the old truck?
Hello, Bjorn. Can I buy you some corn?
Hello, Todd. Y'workin' out? Nice bod!
Hello, Hank. Did you move up in rank?
Hello, Greg. They took the cast off your leg!
Hello, Al-..."

Then I interrupted Thomas the moose.
He looked at me for a while, then yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK, BRUCE?!".
Then Thomas turned around, gave me a back-kick to the chest.
Then I flew into a tree trunk, and I died, then took a rest.

OH, THOMAS THE MOOSE WAS A FRIENDLY FUCKER!!!...