The real fat Bastard

Lyrics

the only kiss I've had turned at to be a man
played tuba in the high school band
Pretend I'm gay and do bitches Spray tans
Learnt to manicure Just to hold hands
Pretend I'm blind at the beach
Amd wear my ray bans
and crawl around stealing chicks underpants
Made plans with this bitch to fuck in her van
And they beat me up
and took 5 grand
last time I saw my dick was when I googled the word micro
and the only way to see it is to Zoom in on the upload

don't let that extra Chromosome
keep you down
don't let your hair lip
bring your lip down

when I do online dating
from my fake profile
they always want to small talk
and ask about my lifestyle
(“what inspires you”?)
(“spite”)
(“Whats your best angle”)
(“from behind”)
your biggest asset - my pantry
(“What scares you most”)
(“my reflection”)
(“what motivates you”)
(“Vagina”)
(“What empowers you”)
(“desperation”)
(“Where do you see yourself in 10 years”)
(“cry on the shower floor”)
(“what do you look for Ina woman”)
(“ a pulse”)
(“your biggest regret”)
(“being born your inspiration”)
(“ Martha Stewart”)

when I wear yellow
think I’m a taxi all the time
have to use a drone
when its selfie time
the best thing about being fat
is your hard to kidnap, easy to find
my body is a temple
with a food court inside
always the bigger person
when ever there’s a fight
I’ve been on a diet
switched from regular coke to diet

haven't wiped my ass in years
lve been wiping a dimple on my back
got sever nappy rash
all up inside my crack
I have to take viagra
so Idon't pee on my nutsack
Got a custom toilet
the other one it cracked

I'm Kurt cobaine but with less brains
I'm micheal hutchinson but more straight
I'm robin williams come lets hang

let that Extra chromosome
do it’s thing
Im ashton kutchers brother
the one deprived of oxygen
I lost weight once nearly chocked on skin
Arnold Swareneggers twin
Danny diveeto the penguin
they refuse to wash my undies
said there too big for dry cleaning
So the inside of my undies
is really unappealing
When I take a piss
Hit my face and the ceiling

So many chins
Looks like I’m peering over a stack of pancakes
if I don’t eat every hour my body gets the shakes
im the only one I know
who has prescription cake

everywhere I go I carry 100 pands of crack applied for biggest loser but said Im to fat
lost a bit of weight and then had a heart attack
thought my chin was my chest
and assumed I only had one breast
have abseiling equipment
just to get out of bed
When I want sex
they all object
guess that makes me a sex object
When I try to call a girl I
always call collect
I like to make them think
that I am hard to get

its like my hand resent my dick
hasnt been in contact since I was 6
and now my dicks reclused
inside my by half an Inch

the closest thing I've had to love
is when me and my priest
would hug in secer-art
he’d wink at my and slap my butt
and told me to keep my mouth shut