Lyrics

[Intro – [Spoken, sarcastic]
"Four score and ... yawn....

Let’s talk about the real Lincoln, not the marble one."

{Verse 1}
Yeah he freed the slaves—but not from the jump,
Only did it halfway when the war hit a slump.
Didn’t touch the border states, let ‘em keep their chains,
But history books forgot that part—how convenient, eh?

Called Honest Abe—that’s a hell of a brand,
But he suspended habeas corpus with a wave of his hand.
Jailed folks without trial, that’s martial law light,
But he wore a cool hat, so I guess that’s alright? (Ha!)

[Pre-Chorus ] [half-sung, mocking]
🎶 “He wrote with a feather! He wrestled for fun!” 🎶
Okay—but so did literally everyone.

{Chorus}
This ain’t Gettysburg bitch, this is the Pettysburg Address,
Where we air the dirty laundry Lincoln left in a mess.
Yeah he had bars, but don’t deify the man—
‘Cause every saint’s just history with a better PR plan.

{Verse 2}
He said, “of the people, by the people, for the people”—cool.
Except Native folks weren’t people, by his rule.
Signed off on hangin' 38 Dakota with pride,
Biggest mass execution, and nobody cried.

And yeah, he hated slavery—sure, that’s the lore,
But said if he could save the Union without ending it? He’d open that door.
Pragmatist? Realist? Maybe that’s fair,
But let’s not pretend he floated down from thin air.

{Bridge }[ intense spoken word]
He was a man. Complicated. Sharp.
Did some good, did some harm.
But if we’re naming names and calling spades—
He’s not the spotless saint that history claims.

{Final Chorus}
This ain’t Gettysburg bitch, this is the Pettysburg Address,
Where we strip off the myth and get real, more or less.
Still respect the man—but don’t act like he’s divine,
He walked through the mud just like the rest of humankind.

{Outro – dry tone}
Four score and seven flaws ago...
We just weren’t allowed to say so.

[Half spoken:] No, John Wilks Booth, we arent asking your opinion. We already know.