Lyrics

Walking in the mall right,
I see a fine booty,
I’m like, nah, see, that’s how women get sexualized…
but see, it was fine.
and so I walked up and said “ayo girl that ass is divine, can I get your number and I’ll share you both of mine?”
I kid you not,
she looked me dead in the eyes,
said,
“no, I’m not real, I’m a fragment of a memory splitting out from within your mind…”
and I’m like,
“ah shit, she’s right.”
security’s in front of me,
“yo, you alright?”
“do you need an ambulance?”
“I’m calling the police, I think they need psych.”
I run,
they chase,
I hit the fire escape,
make it outside,
start my lil white lancer,
and,
skrt skrt me and 3 patrol cars just became dancers,
ballet across the boardwalk,
slidin sideways waukee to Norwalk,
cut the lights,
and turned off into the cornstalks,
lost ‘em all,
got some head for 2 hours on and off,
and decided,
alright,
time to head home…

bookin’ my booty down highway 5,
I see a deer, frozen in headlights,
I’m like,
if I hit it I gotta lie,
I gotta dip,
hope the ambulance gets there first,
and I make it to my alibi,
otherwise,
I’m ridin’ the paddy wagon of DMPD tonight!
But I didn’t,
know why?
Shaggy, scooby,
because I got high!
ohh oh,
I got high!
officer, I saw the guy driving, he ran north!
I’m too high to drive I’d risk a life,
and I can’t,
check my record,
I say it every time, right?

Gullible Guys,
I got off on a free ride,
insurance paid for the upgrade,
and I,
got a nicer ride…
all because,
I told a lie and got high!
told a lie and got, hella super duper high!

I’m surprised,
because,
this was around the time,
right after Kim Reynolds got the job for blowing branstad all Lewinsky like,
and the whole state was wide eyed,
fearing we’d be arrested for a whiff of the plant’s kind,
loving, life,
and,
it was the opposite.
he took a hit and smiled.
said,
don’t judge a book by its cover,
I was your age for a while.

bridge a gap or whatever I guess,
but,
yeah,
that’s the time I chased some hallucinated ass,
and that ass led me to passing a blunt to a cop after an unfortunate crash.

and I think my life’s not cash.
my life rocks.
I’m a badass.