The Devil & I

Lyrics

For deep within the Caves of Governance, Peter fought the greatest battle ever known. Upon his right shoulder stood... The Legendary James Westgard, Guardian of QC, Protector of Levey-Jennings, Keeper of Logic. He whispered, "Trust the data. Question everything. Protect the patients. The QC shall guide you." Upon his left shoulder stood... The Great Devil of LCL. Draped in endless policies. Wearing a crown of meeting invitations. Its eyes glowed Microsoft Teams green. Its voice echoed through the laboratory... "Book another meeting." "Consult everyone." "Delay implementation." "Another action log." "Another equality impact assessment." "Another working group." Peter roared with the strength of Logic. James Westgard raised the Sacred Levey-Jennings Chart high above the mountain. The Devil of LCL unleashed... Thirty-seven committees. Forty-nine policy updates. One hundred and eight stakeholder consultations. And an infinite calendar of Teams meetings. Logic struck first. Policies struck back. Reason landed mighty blows. Governance multiplied. Every victory required another meeting. Every defeat required another meeting. Every question became a workshop. Every answer became a discussion document. Every discussion required a follow-up discussion. James Westgard cried, "Hold the QC! The data never lies!" But the Devil of LCL laughed, "The minutes say otherwise." The battle raged for fourteen moons. Until Peter finally laid down the Sword of Logic. He accepted the Sacred Outlook Calendar. He embraced the Blessed Action Tracker. He nodded to the Great Artificial Intelligence. And with perfect serenity... He whispered... "Let's schedule some time." James Westgard slowly faded into the mist. The Devil smiled. The transformation was complete.