Lyrics

The desert morning sunrise
Lookin' just like hangover diarrhea.
Throw on my stinkiest work shirt,
And try to untether my horse.
But my horse doesn't like me,
He's scared when I get in his area.
So after ten minutes strugglin',
I tie 'im back up, and go a different course.

Ya' see, I got two feet
That can get me around just fine (just fine).
An' they're better than dang animal hooves,
'Cause these were made by hands, Divine, (the Lord's kind).

Ev'ry day, I git drunk and shoot holes in the clouds.
Lookit my aimin' - Daddy would be so proud!
No, I don't need no horse to be a proper cow poke, no sir!
I do fine with my own feet, even though they have slightly less fur.

Now it's almost high noon,
Just finished shovelin' all sorts of critter shit.
I prayed out loud, "DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN,
PLEASE SAY THAT THERE AIN'T NO MORE!.."
But my prayer scared my horse,
Who had his asshole almost sleepin' upon my shoulder.
And the darn ol' thing done painted half-a me
To look like I was one-half a slave!
Ev'ry day, I git drunk and shoot holes in the clouds.
Lookit my aimin' - Daddy would be so proud!
No, I don't need no horse to be a proper cow poke, no sir!
I do fine with my own feet, even though they have slightly less fur.

Well, these feet were gettin' mighty tired,
But the sun started sinkin',
And I had but a handful of minutes
To get to the well, (ain't that swell).
So I headed that way,
And I happened upon the town's Sheriff,
Who drew his gun, aimed straight at me, and yelled,
"HANDS UP, HOSS, LEST I SEND HALF-A YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!".

So I reached for the last blue in the sky,
Which mixed the two deadliest odors known to man;
People pits and horsey shits,
Which were lethal when combined.
The law man's eyes became watery and wide,
Then he leaned sideways,
And then, I swear on my Mama's grave
That he slid right off his steed and died!

Ev'ry day, I git drunk and shoot holes in the clouds.
Lookit my aimin' - Daddy would be so proud!
No, I don't need no horse to be a proper cow poke, no sir!
I do fine with my own feet, even though they have slightly less fur.