Lyrics

[Spoken-word storytelling + chaotic musical escalation into full-blown madness.]


---

[Intro – Calm, defeated, soft piano chords]

🎶 (Sigh.)
So, listen.
I put off my annual physical for, like… years.
And I finally did it.
And now I’m regretting every single life decision that led me to this moment.

🎶 I should’ve just kept ignoring my problems.
🎶 I should’ve just let fate take the wheel.
🎶 But nooo, I had to be responsible.
🎶 And now? I’m in Waiting Room hell™.

🎵 [Dramatic sting. The lights flicker. A baby wails in the distance.]


---

[Verse 1 – Soft, jazzy storytelling, like an audiobook with vibes]

🎶 I checked in. Filled out forms.
🎶 Did you know I was born in 1987?
🎶 Because I just had to write it down six times like a damn incantation.

🎶 They handed me a clipboard—
🎶 And I made the worst mistake of my life.
🎶 I read the questionnaire.
🎶 And now I have to reckon with my mortality.

🎶 “Do you drink?”
🎶 “How often do you exercise?”
🎶 “How many hours of sleep do you get?”
🎶 …Mmm. Pass.
🎶 “Have you been feeling sad or anxious?”
🎶 BRO, I’M IN A WAITING ROOM.
🎶 That’s a yes.

🎵 [Jazz piano goes slightly off-key. A clock ticks menacingly.]


---

[Verse 2 – Building tension, slightly more unhinged delivery]

🎶 I return the clipboard.
🎶 The receptionist nods.
🎶 …And then I wait.

🎶 Time slows down.
🎶 The fluorescent lights hum louder.
🎶 Someone is chewing gum with reckless abandon.

🎶 There’s a toddler staring directly into my soul.
🎶 I look away. I look back.
🎶 He’s STILL LOOKING.
🎶 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, TINY MAN?!

🎵 [A sudden, jarring orchestral hit. Heartbeat sound effect.]


---

[Chorus – Full-blown musical breakdown, gospel choir appears]

🔥 WAITIN’ ROOM BLUUUUUES! (Can I leave? Can I leeeeeave?!?)
🔥 I filled out the forms, now I’m facing the truth!
🔥 WAITIN’ ROOM BLUUUUUES! (Doctor, please, I have PLANS!!)
🔥 This room is haunted and so is my past.

🎵 [Choir sings in Latin. A harpsichord solo]


---

[Bridge – Existential spoken word, complete musical collapse]

🎶 The clock is frozen.
🎶 The room is shrinking.
🎶 I haven’t checked my phone in three whole minutes.
🎶 I have seen the void.
🎶 And the void… is a pamphlet about osteoporosis.

🎵 [Music distorts] [whispers “calcium deficiency.” A theremin wails.]


---

{Verse 3 – The final descent into madness}

🎶 And then—oh my god—
🎶 They call my name. Incorrectly.
(EEDIE?)
🎶 I stumble forward like I’ve been in solitary confinement.
🎶 The nurse looks at me with pity.

🎶 “Step on the scale.”

🎶 …

🎶 I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

🎵 [Airhorn. Sudden death metal breakdown. Screen fades to black.]