Lyrics

[Verse 1 – dry as a Tesco sandwich]
Booted up, tea in hand,
Got five invites I don’t understand.
“No agenda” — classic start,
Just vague chat and a colour chart.

Meeting title: “Quick catch-up” — lies,
Forty-five minutes of blank stares and sighs.
Could’ve typed it, could’ve pinged,
But nah — you booked the whole team in.

⸻

[Chorus – super catchy, annoyed but toe-tapping]
This could’ve been a Teams message, mate,
Just a bullet point — not a three-day wait.
You booked the room, shared your screen,
Now I’m pretending I know what you mean.
“Touching base”? More like touching cloth.
This could’ve been a Teams message, you facking sloth.

⸻

[Verse 2 – faster, funnier, more bitter]
There’s no strategy, there’s no plan,
Just waffle, charts, and a sad flipcam.
You said “alignment” and “next phase” too,
But I still don’t know what I’m meant to do.

We sat in silence, then someone said,
“Let’s take this offline” — I wished I was dead.
Not a single task, no actual point,
Just shit vibes, no plan, it disappoints.

⸻

[Chorus – back again with more rage in the tambourine]
This could’ve been a Teams message, mate,
Just a little ping — not my lunch break’s fate.
You talked in circles, I nodded fake,
Now I’m questioning all my life’s mistakes.
You “looped us in” to a time-wasting state…
This could’ve been a Teams message, [vailable”…
But my soul says “Please don’t.”
You said “Let’s open the floor”…
Mate, I’d rather open a trapdoor.

⸻

[Final Chorus – epic choir, existential despair]
This could’ve been a Teams message, babe!
You took my time and sealed my fate.
If I hear “next steps” I might combust,
My mic was off ‘cause I’ve lost your trust.
You had one job — to communicate…
But this was NOT the time or place.

It should’ve been a Teams message.