Rainbow Dash’s Lullaby

Lyrics

she just wants a visit, from her favorite little pony,
A 5 year old, crying out, “why is it so lonely!?”
Reaching out her arms with tears, “daddy will you hold me?”
And I break down while she wails into a breeze…
All I can think about is how I promised everything…
and all I do is fail…I can’t win at all…
the world is overwhelming, I bang my head on the wall…
I’m autistic and I’m shutting down,
screaming out as I start to drown,
within the weight of the reality around me….
i just want to see you happy, baby…
please, don’t say that, please don’t say you hate me…
it’s a painful phrase I’ve been burdened to carry,
way too many times…
and kiddo, I know this moments hard, I promise it’s okay to cry….
I’ll wipe your tears as they fall from those beautiful eyes,
and I’ll brush your knees off, so you can rise,
and show this world just who you want to be…
and we can ride into the thunderstorms,
on the back of your favorite pony…

rainbow dash, you’re rainbow dash,
and I’m just some boring rainy day dad…
one day you’ll be so bored with me,
my jokes will no longer make you laugh…
and I’m not sure I can handle that…

is it selfish to wish that I’ll be around to witness the moments with my kids?
is it okay to grieve the ones we’ve lost to the cause of an unwelcome mental illness?
or is this just part of the contract? I didn’t read the conditions…
I can’t read, they just think I can because I can sound out the letters within this,
page…
but…
retention never clicked with meee…

so sweetie please,
don’t you ever think,
that it’s okay to be,
anything other than,
that rainbow dash, applejack, perfect little pony…

I miss you kiddo…

I wish it was back to normal too…