Surveillance

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THE EYES IN THE SKY Raunchy outlaw-country comedy song [Verse 1] Down in Surveillance where the radar screens glow, There’s a Sergeant Major who’s been there since fuckin’ long ago. Twenty-five damn years with the same stripes on his chest, At this point we ain’t sure if he’s loyal or just failed every test. Maybe he lacks ambition, maybe knowledge ain’t his thing, Maybe every promotion board just says, “Nah, leave him where he’s been.” He packed his shit for Germany, lives across the line, Probably dodgin’ promotion calls and buyin’ cheaper wine. He don’t say much, he’s quiet as a grave, Sittin’ in the corner lookin’ moderately well-behaved. Then outta fuckin’ nowhere, when nobody expects, He drops one savage sentence and verbally breaks your neck. [Chorus] Oh, Surveillance, keep your eyes upon the sky, One’s been Sergeant Major since the dinosaurs could fly. The other’s got blue hair and lieutenant bars to show, Together they’re the weirdest fuckin’ picture at the show. One barely talks, one’s ready for the fight, One lives in Germany, one’s hair is fuckin’ bright. They’re watchin’ every aircraft, every track that passes by— The strangest goddamn couple keepin’ eyes upon the sky. [Verse 2] Then there’s the lieutenant, though she looks about sixteen, With blue hair bright enough to show up on the radar screen. She walks into the room like, “Women’s rights, motherfucker,” And half the old boys suddenly start starin’ at their locker. She’s skinny as a radio mast, confident and loud, With enough attitude to part a goddamn crowd. And when she turns around—well, physics takes a break, ‘Cause somehow that little frame is hauling extra payload weight. Blue hair, brass bars, and opinions fully loaded, Mention equal rights and watch the briefing get exploded. She’ll argue every point until your last brain cell is dead, While Sergeant Major Germany just quietly shakes his head. [Chorus] Oh, Surveillance, keep your eyes upon the sky, One’s been Sergeant Major since the dinosaurs could fly. The other’s got blue hair and lieutenant bars to show, Together they’re the weirdest fuckin’ picture at the show. One barely talks, one’s ready for the fight, One lives in Germany, one’s hair is fuckin’ bright. They’re watchin’ every aircraft, every track that passes by— The strangest goddamn couple keepin’ eyes upon the sky. [Bridge] He’s got twenty-five years of “maybe next time, mate,” She’s got blue fuckin’ hair and a debate at half past eight. He’ll stare into the distance like a German mountain goat, Then casually say one thing that makes the whole damn room choke. She’ll say, “Equal opportunity!” and proudly raise her glass, While somebody in the back whispers, “Equal opportunity… but that sure ain’t an equal amount of ass.” Then Germany says quietly, without looking from his screen: “Can everybody shut the fuck up? I’m trying to keep the air picture clean.” [Final Chorus] SUR-VEIL-LANCE! Keeping watch both day and night, With twenty-five-year Sergeant Major and Lieutenant Blue-Hair Fight. One’s promotion train departed somewhere back in ‘02, The other looks like Smurfette joined the fuckin’ Air Force crew. But when the tracks start moving and the picture turns to shit, Those two strange motherfuckers somehow stay on top of it. So raise a beer for Surveillance, dysfunctional but spry— Two completely different weirdos… KEEPIN’ EYES ON THE FUCKIN’ SKYYYYY! [Outro – spoken] “Sergeant Major, you ever thought about promotion?” “…No.” “Why not?” “…I live in Germany.” “…Fair enough.”