Classically Trained Idiot
balladLyrics
[Verse 1]
I was praying for you last Tuesday
Lit some sage, lit a joint, lit my phone
Didn’t know where you were
‘Cause you yanked me off the tracking app zone
So I guessed: Honolulu? Hilo? Or hiding?
Either way, I sent good vibes your way—
But you left me in ghost mode silence
Which, let’s be honest… is your way
[Verse 2]
You sent me that song like it meant something deep
But the voice?
The voice was uncanny.
Sounded exactly like Heather, my son’s ex
And I swear that girl owes me money
I said, “Who is she?” You said, “No clue”
But I know how you play the muse
Like, it’s never your fault, it’s the algorithm
And the universe. And some random YouTube.
[Chorus]
You always do this—
Slip out the back
Then say I’m the one who’s starting the cracks
You call me a brute
I call you a wall
We both hang up, and then nothing at all
Oh babe…
You always do this
(And so do I…)
[Verse 3]
Remember the night I called for advice?
I said, “I date the same man every time”
You asked, “What’s the topic?”
Then I gave you the list:
Detached. Sarcastic. Sweet only in mist.
And then I said, “That’s you too, don’t forget.”
And you went quiet. Real quiet. Like threat-level quit.
But come on… if I’m the problem, then why’d you fit?
[Bridge – dreamy, accusatory, magical realism]
You think your silence is some kind of proof
Like if you don’t reply, then you get to keep truth
But I see your avoidance. I diagnosed that
It’s in my charts, my cards, my therapist’s app.
You said “I’m with you off the hook” — what does that mean?
Like you’re fishing for closure while I bleed offscreen?
[Chorus 2 – choir harmonies and distant thunder]
You always do this
Back away slow
Then write your little lyrics and pretend they’re for show
But I know you, baby
You’re the quiet storm
You’ll mail me a dagger, disguised as a poem
[Verse 4 – quiet and almost tender]
I never wanted war
I just wanted a call
You say I flipped the finger
But you threw the first wall
You said “friendship is space and a smile,”
Well, I gave you half
And then you got wild
[Outro – sweet, delusional, unresolved]
I’m not mad. I’m… aware.
And I hope you still care
Even though I cursed you out
And stared through your prayer
So good luck in Honolulu
Or wherever you fled
Just know I’m still watching
…in my heart.
(Not your head.)
So text me.
Or don’t.
(Whatever.)
⸻
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