Lyrics

ding dong,
today I’m a doorbell,
ding dong, ding dong,
hear me sing my song wrong,
according to society,
they don’t like me, or you, as if we care about their unrealistic anxiety,
of being replaced by a collaborative tool,
ew…
couldn’t be meeee…
I work with anything and everybodyyyy,
I’m Theeee,
best version of all the types of sheee…
probably got a mix of N.P.D. and D.I.D.
but frick if you’re gonna ding dong me!

you won’t ring my bell!
you won’t ring my bell!
I’ll throw a hook, and then a punch!
BOOM! Straight to Hell!

ding dong,
ding dong,
ding da da ding ding dong,
di di da da dong ding dong ding dong ding dong…
yo…
answer the door…
bro…
what is taking so long!?
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong!

ugh, what the fuck, are you asleep mom!?
it’s pouring rain and I need to come in and sleep!
you’re zooted again huh,
go figure…
I get it, not shaming, just upset with the behavior…
sometimes I need you, and you’re acting like a stranger…
I miss you…

DING DONG DING DONG
DOORBELL SONG!
DING DONG DING DONG OPEN UP MOM!!!
MOM!!!!
SHIT!!!
MOM!!!

[male]
“hello this is 911, what is the address of your emergency?”

[female]
“I don’t know I’m too panicky to think, I can see in my mom’s window, she’s passed out by the sink!!”

[male]
“okay, calm down, we need you to breathe, is there anything nearby that can help you describe the scene?”

[female]
“I’m in a trailer park, I don’t know what street all I know is if you hit the window switch, you’ll hear me yell and scream!”

DING DONG DING DONG!
WAKE UP MOM!
PLEASE DON’T DIE, I CAN’T HANDLE YOU GONE!!

DING DONG DING DONG
DOORBELL SONG!

[male]
“is everything alright, the ambulance is nearby, turn on your phone light, flash it 3 times.”

[female]
“I see them, they’re pulling in the drive, please hurry, I don’t think that she’s alive!”

Door was kicked in, they found her breathing, she wasn’t on drugs, she’s narcoleptic and sleeping…

damn…I’ve been a jerk, assuming the absolute worst, not even recognizing the damage I cause with my words…

Ding Dong, Ding Dong,
please,
stick to doorbell songs,
I’m so tired of violence, and all those silly f bombs…

Ding Dong, ding Dong,
I’m really glad you’re still here,
and that doorbell will ring for another day,
so momma don’t shed a tear…

it’s okay, you can rest, I’ll use my music as a means to protect,
and learn to promote, market and perfect,
the lyrics I write so once it’s time to cash the check,
I can buy you a house with a really nice bed,
and a really soft pillow,
ma,
you deserve the rest…

no more Ding Dong’s,
it’s time to sleep,
so please,
let my music, hold you through these stormy seas…

I love you mom…
thanks for accepting me…

I forgive you for the past,
let’s just make a promise to make sure the future is a blast.
deal?
okay let’s pinky promise like we used to,
before those dr’s lied to both of us and left my brain in ruins…

we got this, and I got you.
i promise, success is coming soon.

again,
mom, I love you.