Lyrics

(Ouch!! Ouch!!... Oh, this blasted hip!.. Has anyone seen my pills?!...)

Well, hello there, kiddies, and salutations!
I am Woodruff Chapman, and I rock the nations
With my genuine rhymes, which are done on time.
My face always looks like I bit into a lime
Because I am so old, and it rather hurts!
When I walk down the hall, I have to do it in spurts.
I pull my pantaloons up to the bottom of my nipples,
Pop in the old dentures, now I can eat pickles!

(Oh, dear!! The pain of living is just too much for one of my advanced years to contend with!.. Oh, to be young again...)

My flesh is hanging off my bones, and covered in liver spots.
I never eat spicy food because it always gives me the trots!
There is no hair on my scalp, and my knees are rather wobbly.
I can spend one quid, and hit the jackpot in the Lottery!
Ninety percent of each day is a nap.
My hip dislocates from a baby on my lap.
I am always tired, my body racked with pain!
Yet my mental capacity remains unchanged.

(It has been a wonder reciting my personal poetry for the lot of you! Ouch!! Ouch!!.. I am dreadfully sorry!.. It's these damned knees again!.. Uuunnhhh!!...)