Lyrics

[INTRO]
Hello there! We hope that you enjoy the tune;
If you don't, well, we'll write it over, and see you again soon.
("OUCH!!! My damn HIP!!")
But as it stands, writing hurts our hands, so try to enjoy,
And we'll do our best to relieve your stress, and not to annoy!

[VERSE 1]
Welllllll,
Rollin' around in the mud like an idiot,
Leaves in my hair.
Do ya' wanna do lotsa drugs, or just a li'l bit?
There's pills everywhere!

And don't get in our way,
'Cause we gotta mow the sky!
And after that, we're gonna pet the cat,
Which'll hurt our arthritis, and make us cry!

[CHORUS]
Being old is nothin' like when you were young.
You could jerk it all day long, and not throw ya' back out when ya' come.
You didn't have to know every word in the English language - it was cool to be dumb.
You could finga' ya' girl, play every sport in the world -
They wasn't chores, they was just havin' fun!..

[OLD MAN YELLING]
("AAHHH!!!!!!!! MY HIP!!!!!!!! Somebody, call nine-one-one!!!...")

[VERSE 2]
Heeyyyyyy,
Takin' a walk on my own, 'gainst doctor's orders; yes, all by myself.
I got the Life Alert on, so if I fall on a lawn - push the button, get help.

Forgot take my pills, temp's one-oh-one, got the chills in the sun; this shitt's bad!
If I stay in it still, I'll end up gettin' killed, an' shootin' the shitt wit' my dead Dad!

[CHORUS]
Being old is nothin' like when you were young.
You could jerk it all day long, and not throw ya' back out when ya' come.
You didn't have to know every word in the English language - it was cool to be dumb.
You could finga' ya' girl, play every sport in the world -
They wasn't chores, they was just havin' fun!..

[OLD MAN YELLING OUTRO]
("How the HECK do ya' work these DAMNED PHONES?!!.. Someone HELP!!!.. I need to call a DIAL-A-RIDE, so I can get to the all-you-can-eat buffet!!!... Oh, no..... My hearing aids are STILL on the bathroom counter!!!!!... HELLLLOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?!!!!!!! CAN I HEAR ANY OF YOU?!!!!... Oh, there's just no hope for me, is there?.....")