Lyrics

Yo, lemme tell you 'bout my mutt, Dapper Dan the hound He ain't no pedigree, just a pound-found, lost and found A Brown Doberman, built like a brick shithouse, no doubt But this ain't no heroic tale, just a story to shout.

He's supposed to be a guard dog, tough, a real menace But the only thing he guards is the spot where he can piss next. Tried training him to sniff out coke, a blow-hound supreme But he just licks the bag, dreams of bacon, what a fiend!

He's got the face of a killer, the bark of a rabid beast But his brains are scrambled eggs, a culinary feast For the flies buzzin' round, 'cause this dog's a goddamn mess More likely to hump your leg than cause any damn stress.

He's a lovable loser, a dopey, droolin' chum My Dapper Dan, the dog, dumber than a bag of crumbs. But yo, he's family, that's the bottom freakin' line Even if he eats my shoes and pisses on my damn pine!