Lyrics

[VERSE 1]
I kissed my pet mule on the head -
His name is Orville, and he is not dead.
Sometimes he smiles like a human does,
And he likes when I scratch his chin that's made of fuzz.

Walked to the next bedroom down the hall;
My other pet lives there - a moth named Paul.
He flutters gently around the room's light.
He's mainly active in the middle of the night.

[CHORUS]
I have so many pets!
You should see my monthly bill from the vet's!..
Some of them came alone, and others came as sets.
There's even two or three that have Tourette's!

[VERSE 2]
Sauntering down the same hallway; one more room.
It smells of sex, lasagna, and perfume.
That's all because of Sally, my pet deer.
She was born deaf as a doornail, and she still can't hear.

So I gave soft Sally a pat on her back.
She smiled at me with big, warm eyes, and then she had a snack.
I left her to her own devices, then shuffled away.
I also promised her that for the rest of her life, I would never leave, and I'd fo