Lyrics

(Oh!... Oh, WOW! You SCARED ME, Charles!.. Oh. OH!! Oh, the MIC is on!.. Ooohh, okay. I think I get it now!!... So, I'm supposed to start rapping now! Am I correct in assuming this, Charles?... SPECTACULAR!! Okay then, here I GOOOOO!!-)

Well, hello there, Pilgrim, and how d'ya do?
My name is Michael O'Hallahan. Nice to meet you!
Why don't you sit down, have a seat?
Then I'll see if I've got something delicious to eat!
Because I'm sure you got hungry on your journey.
If you DON'T eat, we might send you home in a gurney!
And that would not be good for anyone.
Not you, not me, not even Jenna Jameson!

(...well, come to think of it, Jenna Jameson probably would PREFER you on a gurney... She's used to seeing other people in that position. Jeez, I'm gonna have to rethink THAT line!.. Oh, well... ANY-hooooo...)

HEY, DOCTOR, DOCTOR! GIMME A SCALPEL, STAT!!
Why? This guy's got a Rhyme Tumor, gotta remove that!
If we don't, he might get all kinds a' sick!
So we gotta extract it, you bumbling twit!!
Cuttin' open the skin to remove the lump.
If we don't take it out, he might call you a chump!
Because that's a word that Rhyme Masters like to say.
So when we take out the tumor, he won't think that way!

(...man! I'm talking about tumors and surgical procedures WAY too much in this song!.. Golly! I must sound like one of my GRANDPARENTS when they're at the all-you-can-eat buffet, or something!..)

Well, that tumor is gone, sir! Now, how d'ya feel?
That's good! Glad to hear it! I'm out! Keep it real!...
Then I left the recovery room in a hurry
Because I had to fart so darn bad, my eyes were blurry!
Got in the elevator, and I let 'er RIP!
Didn't notice the little old lady in there. MAN, WHAT A TRIP!!
She cried out, "OH, MY GOD!! THAT SMELLS!!!!"
I turned around, and told her, "Sorry! But that's just the story my butt always tells."