Lyrics

Northern man, northern man, tell me how it all began. I’m on the edge of my seat, popcorn in
hand. I’m just an investor, navigating the treacherous waters of the CSE, where every stock tip
sounds great but it’s only the promoters on the take. I need to know, I need to know how to sniff
out a scam.
Investing on the venture? What a grand adventure. It’s a rollercoaster designed by a sadistic
engineer. You climb, you scream, and after you hit a peak, you plummet into the abyss of regret.
The mining industry? Every time I try, it makes me cry. Digging for gold feels like digging my
own grave.
Northern man, northern man. What’s your secret? How to invest with no regret? How do you
dodge the scammers bullets? First find out what is true. In a world where truth is as slippery as a
greased pig at a county fair, how do I even begin?
Don’t believe the pumpers. They can be robbers. Those charming folks who tell you that their
stock is the next big thing, while their bank accounts swell like balloons at a birthday party.
They’re like the used car salesmen, and I’m the poor sap who just walked onto their lot. If I had a
dollar for every time I fell in love with a stock, I’d have enough money to buy a nice island and
retire far away.
Don’t be afraid to take a loss. It’s all about opportunity cost. So, I’m supposed to embrace my
losses like they’re long-lost friends? “Oh, hello, Loss! It’s so good to see you again! Come in for
tea!”
Let me tell you my secret, how to invest with no regret. Lay it on me! Random web searches are
not DD, that is news to me. They’re meant to create a mystery, like a bad novel where the plot
twist is that I’m the one who ends up broke. They appeal to your sense of greed and make your
portfolio bleed.
Focus on the share structure. Don’t just be a sucker. How I wish I’d had that advice before I
invested in that company whose share structure looked like it was drawn by Bernie Madoff.
Look at the fundamentals, including management’s credentials. Right, because nothing screams
“trustworthy” like a CEO with penny stock experience.
Northern man, northern man, some think you’re in bed with Ham, which they are happy to spam.
Ah, the sweet scent of conspiracy theories wafting through the air! The reality is quite different,
you’ll never win that argument.
Now that I know your secret, I can invest without regret? I’ll be rolling in dough, buying a house
in Acapulco faster than you can say “pump and dump.” Thank you, Northern man, for your
recipe. I’ll build my own impeccable history, one poorly researched investment at a time.
Between bulls and bears, you’re a true referee. Thank you for your bravery!
So here’s to you, northern man! You are the man. You’re the sage of penny land, the guru of the
greenbacks, the maestro of making money. Thank you, northern man, for your wisdom wrapped
in sarcasm and humor. Now, if only I could find a way to turn this knowledge into cash without losing my mind or my shirt.