Lyrics

(why do I hate myself so much)

12 years old starting to feel pain, It feels like on my mind there is a chain. Holding it all together until I feel nothing in my mind. That's a pain you don't wanna feel, how can I explain to everybody out there that I feel pain but I feel nothing at all.

(I feel nothing, nothing but all this pain)

Oh, all this pain in my soul, it's getting to much. I need a relief so I can feel free. It's hurting my heart, what should I do? I'm freaking out I'm thinking too much and nothing at all. How can I relief myself from all this?

(Think, think about your thoughts)

Started to thinking how can I relieve this pain in my head, seeing the knife in the kitchen thinking (that's the pain relief) I grabbed it, held it in my hand, thoughts in my head running like a blast. It was getting too much at once, so I started.
(One cut, two cuts, three cuts wow, starting to cut myself so I can feel more)

(It's bleeding everywhere)

Oh, all this pain in my soul, it's getting to much. I need a relief so I can feel free. It's hurting my heart, what should I do? I'm freaking out I'm thinking too much and nothing at all. How can I relief myself from all this?

(Oh that's the relief)

I did it for a while Everytime It started hurting in my soul. But that was not enough after a while. The blood, the pain it was also getting to much at this point. Now I looked into the mirror thinking (why am I so fat) I finally found a new pain relief, I stopped eating and started with sport.

(That's the pain relief, relief)

Eating nothing, weeks long doing only sport, for a good feeling in my heart. After three weeks I saw how much I lost (20kilograms) oh shit, my body was not the same. In this three weeks, I passed out so many times, let me tell how often. It was (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times) but you know what I finally felt relieved.

(Oh God damn what did I do)

Oh, all this pain in my soul, it's getting to much. I need a relief so I can feel free. It's hurting my heart, what should I do? I'm freaking out I'm thinking too much and nothing at all. How can I relief myself from all this?

(I did it I finally felt peace, but was it worth it?)

(I don't we'll never know)