Lyrics

[Intro: Spoken over a crunchy beat]
“Yo, you think you know Grandma? Think again—her ride’s a holy treasure trove!”

[Verse 1: Rap – Boom-bap kick drum, crunchy guitar accent]
Roll up to her driveway, door squeaks like a sermon bell
I peek in her dashboard—falafel chips? Hard-boiled eggs in gel?
Got seven hymnals stacked by a lava lamp that glows neon blue
She’s hidin’ communion wine next to a mixtape of “Achy Breaky You”
There’s a rubber chicken cross-stitch hung over the steering wheel
A bobble-head Jesus bobbin’ like, “Kid, you’re in for a holy ordeal!”
She swings open the back—yo, what’s that rattlin’ in the net?
A box of grandma’s meatloaf bombs—bless your heart, I’m breakin’ a sweat!

[Pre-Hook: Shouted with gang vocals]
“You never know what you’ll find in Grandma’s van!”
“Holy gravy boats to a taco fan!”

[Hook / Chorus: Melodic rock-tinged chant]
In Grandma’s van, in Grandma’s van,
She’s packin’ miracles in a cereal can!
From stained-glass rosaries to her prize casserole plan,
You never know what you’ll find in Grandma’s van! ×2

[Verse 2: Rap – Faster flow, electronic stabs]
She’s got glow-in-the-dark devil-busting Bible tabs on every page
A super-soaker full of holy water—“Bless you, child, it’s rage!”
A stash of Elf on the Shelf look-alikes reading Proverbs 23
And a neon sign that flickers, “Jesus Saves 24/7, bruh!”
We blast crunk-rock guitars while she’s hand-knitting prayer socks
I ask, “Grams, what’s next?” She shrugs with those sweet church-lady talks
I find a whoopee cushion with Psalm 23 printed on the top—
She winks, “That’s for the devil’s rear end when he tries to pop your hop!”

[Bridge: Family Force Five–style electronic breakdown]
(Echoing synth) “Peace, love, pickles, and praise!”
(Shouted) “Holy waffles in phase!”
(Screamed) “Tour de Scripture, Grandma’s van – amaze!”

[Hook / Chorus: Full-force gang vocals, guitar flourish]
In Grandma’s van, in Grandma’s van,
She’s hidin’ twinkling crowns in an old lunch tray pan!
From popcorn prayers to her color-coded game plan,
You never know what you’ll find in Grandma’s van! ×2

[Verse 3: Rap–Rock hybrid, triumphant tone]
Finally we hit Sunday, roll up to church with a medieval llama piñata
She yanks it out—candies drop like manna, sparklin’ like Gotham’s Plaza
I say, “Grams, your ride’s insane—truly the holiest mobile!”
She laughs, “Child, salvation’s life’s mystery box—always uncontainable!”
Now I’m preachin’ to my crew: be ready, stay stocked, keep your faith tight
’Cause like Grandma’s van—you never know when He’ll surprise you in flight!

[Final Chorus: Guitar solo, gang clap, synth arpeggios]
In Grandma’s van, in Grandma’s van,
She’s livin’ proof God’s plans make no human plan!
Grab your seatbelt, open wide—He’s your ultimate caravan,
You never know what you’ll find in Grandma’s van! ×3

[Outro: Spoken with echo & record scratch]
“Got the Lord, got the ride—mystery guaranteed. R