Lyrics

(Verse 1)
Woke up sore from sleepin’ wrong —
All I did was nap too long
My back said snap, my knees said crunch,
My breakfast pills outnumber lunch
I got a fridge with nothin’ inside
But takeout menus and expired pride
Hair’s migrating off my head
Starting a village on my back instead

(Chorus)
I’m gettin’ old, and feelin’ weird
Grew a second eyebrow in my ear
No friends left — they disappeared
Or joined a cult, or got real spiritual
Now I talk to the mailman way too much
And I flirt with my slow cooker just for touch
Life gave me lemons, I lost the zest
But I’m still here — dressed and depressed

(Verse 2)
Tried online dating, what a trip
Matched with a bot named “Soggy Chip”
Told me I was hot, then asked for cash
I said, “Darlin’, I got nothin’ but rash”
I used to party, I used to shine
Now I text “LOL” and mean it fine
No one calls, no knocks, no clout
Even the Jehovah’s Witness phased me out

(Chorus)
Yeah I’m gettin’ old, but I still got sass
And a membership card for colon class
No friends call, not even spam
Except for Brenda from “Medicare Plan”
I say “back in my day” like it’s a threat
And I weep when soup is all I get
But I got style — just ask my cat
He left once. Came back. Regretted that.

(Bridge)
They say “age is just a number”
I say “so’s my blood pressure”
I got vitamins labeled A through Z
And a drawer for mystery keys
I laugh at death and flirt with naps
My joints make beats when I try to clap

(Verse 3)
Now don’t feel bad, don’t send a card
Just Venmo snacks to my junkyard yard
I’m not bitter — I’m well preserved
Like a Twinkie nobody deserved
So here’s to aches and zero plans
To friends who ghosted and ghostly fans
I raise my glass of warmish tea
To me, myself, and my damn knee

(Final Chorus)
Yeah I’m gettin’ old, and it’s kinda dumb
Still yellin’ at kids to stop havin’ fun
My last good chair just gave me sass
And my sweatpants now have formal class
No friends show — I don’t blame ‘em much
I’m the life of the party with a walker’s touch
So I sit, I fart, I check the net —
Not dead. Not cool. But ain’t gone yet.

(Outro)
I’m gettin’ old.
Feelin’ it.
And friends?
None.
But I got this sandwich.
And we vibin’.