Bathroom Bouncer

Lyrics

[Female sassy voice. High-energy pop-rock with attitude. Fast-paced drums, crunchy guitar, gang vocals in the chorus. Background chants in (parentheses). Sarcastic spoken parts in brackets.]

[Verse 1]
Oh, look who’s here, it’s the Pee Patrol!
Lurking by the door like a creepy troll. (Not weird or aynthing 🙄)
Flashin’ your outrage, puffin’ your chest,
Who died and made you the toilet’s best?

Got no badge, got no clue,
But somehow think this job’s for you?
Newsflash, buddy, here’s the twist—
The real freaks don’t ask before they piss.

[Pre-Chorus]
No one called, no one cares,
But you're dragging people out of there!
Not a hero, not a saint,
Just a bigot on a power trip—ain’t that quaint?

[Chorus]
Bathroom Bouncers! Ain’t it a trip?
Doin’ the most, but you ain't done sh*t!
Clockin’ gender, takin’ names,
But never once stopped a real damn threat!

Bathroom Bouncers! It's assinine!
Actin’ like you’re savin’ womankind!
Kickin’ out strangers like it’s your biz—
Sit down, shut up, let people piss!

[Verse 2]
So tell me, champ, riddle me this:
Who are you “saving” with your fits?
Ain’t it wild how you “protect” gals—
From other men, yet not yourselves?

If dudes are the danger, take the hint,
Maybe check your own damn print.
Yet all your rage, all your might—
Somehow lands on folks who don’t fight?
(Typical. 🙄)

[Bridge - Spoken, sarcastic]
Oh wow, how brave, how bold!
Tell me, hero, what were you told?
Did the secret council of public stalls
Declare you ruler of the bathroom halls?
(I dub thee....Champion of the toilet! Hahaha)

Or did ya just wake up one day
Decide to police where people pee?
Bravo, sir! A round of applause!
Too bad it’s all for a fake-ass cause!

[Final Chorus]
Bathroom Bouncers! Ain’t it a trip?
Doin’ the most, but you ain't done shit!
Flexin’ hard, callin’ names,
But never once stopped a real damn threat!

Bathroom Bouncers! Its assinine!
Actin’ like you’re savin’ womankind!
Funny how the real danger you dismiss—
Sit down, shut up, let people piss!

[Outro]
Just sit down,
Shut up,
Let people piss.
Ain’t nobody out here askin’ for this.