Oct31

Paroles

[INTRO – Twangy guitar, funky bass, Hammond organ] Yeah, yeah… Halloween, bitch. Walked in the store with a mask on. Ain’t even Halloween at this store. It’s a Walgreens. (Drums kick in) [VERSE 1] Walked in the store with a mask on, Told the cashier, “Put the cash in the bag, dawg,” He said, “Bro, you got a Spider-Man mask on,” I said, “Shut the fuck up, this the last one.” Pistol in my pocket, it’s a water gun, Sprayed the manager, he said, “You a funny one,” Took the whole register, weighed a fucking ton, Got outside, realized I ain’t unplugged the one. Dragging that bitch down the sidewalk, Cashier came outside, wanna small talk, Said, “You forgot your receipt,” I said, “My fault,” Then I stole a pumpkin from the sidewalk. [CHORUS – Joyful, three-part hippie harmonies] Ohhhh, I got my mask on, Dancing with the devil with my pants on, Moon up high and the cash gone, Lord have mercy, I done robbed the wrong one. Mask on, mask on, Sheriff in the rear with his flash on, If I make it home before the last song, I’ma smoke a little something with my mask on. [VERSE 2 – Dry, ridiculous punchlines] Robbed a Spirit Halloween for a hundred bucks, Spent two-fifty on a costume, now I’m fucking stuck, Told the witch to put her hands up, she ain’t give a fuck, Said she make eleven dollars, she don’t make enough. Frankenstein outside selling counterfeit Crocs, Dracula got a Rolex, bought it off a cop, Mummy in the back tryna sell me a Glock, I said, “Bro, you got no pockets, where you keep the rock?” Skeleton in the whip, he ain’t got no license, Ghost in the backseat, smell like Old Spice, Werewolf got arrested for a dog bite, Judge gave him twenty years and a flea collar twice. [CHORUS – Big, sunny, ridiculous harmonies] Ohhhh, I got my mask on, Dancing with the devil with my pants on, Moon up high and the cash gone, Lord have mercy, I done robbed the wrong one. Mask on, mask on, Whole damn neighborhood got their lights on, Grandma in the window with a shotgun, I ain’t scared of death, but I’m scared of someone’s mom. [VERSE 3 – Faster delivery, increasingly stupid] Pulled up to the bank in a Scooby-Doo van, Mask on backwards, couldn’t see my own hands, Told the teller, “Give me everything you can,” She gave me a sucker and a retirement plan. Ran out the door with a bag full of change, Twenty-seven dollars and a coupon for some wings, Cops on my ass, had to switch up lanes, Got pulled over by a dude dressed like Bruce Wayne. Told him, “I’m Batman,” he said, “Me too,” Pulled off his mask, it was my Uncle Lou, Said, “You owe me forty dollars since June,” I said, “Fuck, I should’ve robbed the liquor store at noon.” Got a hundred fake dollars and a bag of Kit Kats, Devil called twice, I ain’t calling him back, Jesus at the gas station buying a six-pack, Said, “You going straight to hell,” I said, “Can I get gas?” [BRIDGE – Beautiful, dreamy psychedelic guitar solo] (Spoken, completely serious) You know… They say money’s the root of all evil. But I only got thirty-seven dollars. And twelve of it was in quarters. So I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. (30-second soaring guitar solo) [VERSE 4 – Final chaotic verse] Mask still on at the Taco Bell drive-through, Lady said, “Sir, I can’t understand you,” Ordered forty tacos and a Mountain Dew, Card got declined, now I’m robbing them too. Manager came out, said, “Boy, you stupid,” I said, “You ain’t gotta be rude about the movement,” He said, “You robbed us with a pool noodle?” I said, “It’s Halloween, motherfucker, I’m improving.” Got home late, had a knock at the door, It’s the damn cashier from the liquor store, Said, “You left your wallet on the floor,” Then he asked if I could give him a ride to work tomorrow. [FINAL CHORUS – Full band, joyful gang vocals] Ohhhh, I got my mask on, Dancing with the devil with my pants on, Moon up high and the cash gone, Lord have mercy, I done robbed the wrong one. Mask on, mask on, Halloween night and the night’s long, If the police ask where the cash gone, Tell ’em I was playing guitar with my mask on. [OUTRO – Loose guitar jam, laughing vocals] (Spoken) Man, I ain’t even make no money tonight. Spent forty dollars on the mask. Thirty on gas. And I owe my uncle Lou forty dollars. … Fuck Halloween. (Guitar solo continues for another minute.)