[INTRO] Who is that man, so tall and lean? We call him the Potato King. [VERSE 1] His story starts off way Back home In Trenton was his youth. He learned the value of hard work And how to search for truth. His high-school sweetheart married him. He started his new life With a blonde that he called Sweet Cheeks, Who knows exactly why? [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Tell us all your tater plan. Rising like the morning sun, And working hard, but just for fun. [Verse 2] When he wakes up evâry morning Heâs waiting on the Dawn. Sometimes itâs even dark out when Heâs working on the lawn. A man of few distractions He ainât got time for games. Youâll find him in his favorite chair Reading New King James. [Verse 3] He only eats potatoes now No sugars and no fun. He want to reach a ripe old age Before his heart is done. But when itâs time to feed the kids Itâs something cheap and fast. Or Caseyâs pizza cut real thin To try to make it last. [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Taters diets seem so bland. Credit comes where it is due Youâve stuck to it, so good for you. [Bridge] In his free time he discovers Lifeâs biggest mysteries? What happened to the dinosaurs? Theyâre drowned beneath the seas. Or where can I find half-priced bread Of special sales on fruit? Our man Philip knows the secrets Photographs the proof. [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Driving Caseyâs mini-van. Haulinâ kids with lots of room To play on Sunday afternoons. [Verse 4 - Quietly] Letâs take some time to slow it down Phil needs to concentrate. Itâs past seven in the evening The hour is getting late. Our Tater-man is thinking hard, Heâs Typing up his notes In a punctuation so advanced Itâs Greek to common folks. [Verse 5 - Crescendos] Oh wait! He just remembered that Thereâs photos of your kids That Philip took six months ago But he forgot to send. Itâs time to start a group text chat So evâry-one can see. So, Buckle up, itâs started now The text cacophony. [Final Chorus] Tater-man! Tater-man! Cooking taters in a pan. Help us know youâre not insane What happens in that tater brain? Tater-husband loves his wife. Tater-father gave kids life. Tater-deacon works so hard. Tater-gardener in the yard. Tater-man, so tall and lean⊠Hereâs to you, potato king! [thoughtful spoken outro] Thereâs more to him than meets the eye, And though his words are few. We know that he will always be Potato. Though and through.
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