
(Verse 1)
Woke up sore from sleepinā wrong ā
All I did was nap too long
My back said snap, my knees said crunch,
My breakfast pills outnumber lunch
I got a fridge with nothinā inside
But takeout menus and expired pride
Hairās migrating off my head
Starting a village on my back instead
(Chorus)
Iām gettinā old, and feelinā weird
Grew a second eyebrow in my ear
No friends left ā they disappeared
Or joined a cult, or got real spiritual
Now I talk to the mailman way too much
And I flirt with my slow cooker just for touch
Life gave me lemons, I lost the zest
But Iām still here ā dressed and depressed
(Verse 2)
Tried online dating, what a trip
Matched with a bot named āSoggy Chipā
Told me I was hot, then asked for cash
I said, āDarlinā, I got nothinā but rashā
I used to party, I used to shine
Now I text āLOLā and mean it fine
No one calls, no knocks, no clout
Even the Jehovahās Witness phased me out
(Chorus)
Yeah Iām gettinā old, but I still got sass
And a membership card for colon class
No friends call, not even spam
Except for Brenda from āMedicare Planā
I say āback in my dayā like itās a threat
And I weep when soup is all I get
But I got style ā just ask my cat
He left once. Came back. Regretted that.
(Bridge)
They say āage is just a numberā
I say āsoās my blood pressureā
I got vitamins labeled A through Z
And a drawer for mystery keys
I laugh at death and flirt with naps
My joints make beats when I try to clap
(Verse 3)
Now donāt feel bad, donāt send a card
Just Venmo snacks to my junkyard yard
Iām not bitter ā Iām well preserved
Like a Twinkie nobody deserved
So hereās to aches and zero plans
To friends who ghosted and ghostly fans
I raise my glass of warmish tea
To me, myself, and my damn knee
(Final Chorus)
Yeah Iām gettinā old, and itās kinda dumb
Still yellinā at kids to stop havinā fun
My last good chair just gave me sass
And my sweatpants now have formal class
No friends show ā I donāt blame āem much
Iām the life of the party with a walkerās touch
So I sit, I fart, I check the net ā
Not dead. Not cool. But aināt gone yet.
(Outro)
Iām gettinā old.
Feelinā it.
And friends?
None.
But I got this sandwich.
And we vibinā.
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