Lyrics

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{Intro}

🎶 For the last damn time…
He. Wasn’t. Short. 🎶


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{Verse 1}

🎶 He wasn’t even short—he was average as hell,
But the British got petty and the lie just fell.
They marked him down as five-foot-two,
But that was French feet—so joke’s on you. 🎶

🎶 Do the math, convert the scale,
He was five-six, and you still gotta bail.
Wanna drag a man for height and tone?
Meanwhile he’s out here taking thrones. 🎶


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{Chorus}

🎶 He wasn’t even short!
Just knee-deep in average, the myth ran short.
They made him tiny 'cause they couldn’t compete—
Called him angry while he ran the whole street. 🎶

🎶 He wasn’t even short!
The hate campaign really came up short.
History twisted for a quick little roast—
But he’s still the name you remember most. 🎶

[Background: marching boots + orchestra stabs layered with electric guitar]


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{Verse 2}

🎶 Born in Corsica, not French by birth,
But still rose up like he owned the Earth.
Boots, hat, posture tight—
Y’all still lying like he had no height. 🎶

🎶 Where the math ain’t matching, better check your notes—
French feet longer, y’all missed the quotes.
That math mistake + British shade = centuries of jokes,
You clown his height? …Ya call yourself woke? 🎶

[Background: sinister harpsichord hits + sarcastic military drums]


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{Verse 3}

🎶 Was he a good guy? Meh. Maybe.
Was he a bad guy? Yeah—to the military! (Ha!)
A solid strategist, bold with his moves,
But the Brits made him their villain to prove. 🎶

🎶 He made mistakes—got burned, sure as hell,
Still held his head high with that Corsican shell.
Self-made, proud, aimed for the crown,
Took the whole stage—and nearly shut it down. 🎶

🎶 But Russia? Yeah, they played it clever.
"Scorched earth, baby—we got land forever."
Snow, fire, hunger, freeze-your-ass weather...
He walked in a king, came out… well, never. 🎶

[Background: blizzard wind SFX + muffled cannon echo]


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{Bridge}

🎶 "No kings!" he said—then made himself emperor.
Which is a surefire way to spark Beethoven’s temper.
The man wrote a whole damn symphony in your name—
Then watched you play crown yourself and burned that fame. 🎶

[Background: record scratch + Beethoven’s Eroica motif crumbling into distortion]


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{Final Chorus}

🎶 But…! 🎶
🎶 He wasn’t all that short! And he wasnt even French! He was Corsican!
Conquer Europe? He said of COURSE I CAN!


[Background: triumphant horns + crowd noise + stomping cadence]


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{Outro}

🎶 So was he a hero? ...Eh. That’s up for debate.
But at least get the facts straight before you hate.
He stirred up Europe, caused a few strokes...
🎶 The only thing that comes up short, folks?
Those tired old “he was short” jokes. 🎶

🎤 [beat ends. silence. faint cannon in the distance.]