Awkward Family Dinner

Lyrics

Uncle Bill’s balancing bowls of mashed potatoes on his head Aunt Marge is knitting sweaters for the dog instead of shredding the mail Cousin Pete’s doing cartwheels by the Christmas tree—he’s one bright red sled And Mom’s yelling, “Where’s the turkey?” while Dad’s hiding the cranberry trail --- Chorus Oh, holiday family chaos, turkey’s flying across the floor Grandma’s fruitcake sent to Mars—no one dares open the door Kids are howling “Santa lost it,” the cat’s dressed up like a clown We’re roasting chestnuts on the radiator, and no one’s listened to a sound --- Verse 2 Grandpa’s snoozing in the pantry with a half-eaten gingerbread man Sister’s live-streaming grievances—she’s got thirteen million fans The dog’s chewing up the menorah, the fish are caroling loud I tried to prayer for peace and quiet, but the parrot’s calling me “Merry and Proud” --- Bridge Jingle bells are ping-pong balls, and eggnog’s poured in the fishbowl We’ve got tinsel stuck in the ceiling fan, and nobody’s reached the goal The family photo turned into a dodgeball match under the mistletoe Why do we celebrate in chaos? Well, it’s tradition you should know! --- Chorus (Repeat) Oh, holiday family chaos, turkey’s flying across the floor Grandma’s fruitcake sent to Mars—no one dares open the door Kids are howling “Santa lost it,” the cat’s dressed up like a clown We’re roasting chestnuts on the radiator, and no one’s listened to a sound --- Outro So here’s to festive pandemonium, from the attic down below We’ll hug it out in minor key, then hit ‘em with a final whoa Merry chaos, happy havoc, may your fruitcake never harden See you next year in the same wild ride—our hearts and homes still garden