Lyrics

Verse 1)
She rolls outta bed in her flannel PJ pants,
Yellow teeth gleamin’, not givin’ a chance.
Alexa’s runnin’ all of her schemes,
She’s living that life like a fever dream.

Ten cars down, still swears she’s a queen
Of the road, though the wrecks are obscene.
Toys on the dash, her style’s unique,
Talks like a baby, but make no critique.

(Pre-Chorus)
Cupcakes in hand, church in her plan,
Yahtzee with Mom, just livin’ the brand.
No boyfriend in sight, but make no mistake,
She ain’t gay — don’t assume, for Pete’s sake.

(Chorus)
Oh Natalie!
She’s straight as a ruler, she swears it with sass,
Just likes her own space and a John Maxwell class.
No clients, no hustle, but dreams never stray,
And she’s not gay! (No, seriously. Okay?)
Natalie!
With pantyhose under her jeans at the park,
In a hundred degrees — girl, you left a mark.
Jeremy Renner posters still light up her day…
And she’s not gay. (She just really loves Hawkeye, okay?)

(Verse 2)
Flat feet draggin’ through Target at noon,
Bedtime at 8, she don’t need no moon.
Emails to Chris and Brian hit send,
But spoiler alert — they’re not real friends.

She’s a consultant… in name only, true,
But five years in, she’s got nothin’ to prove.
Her mom’s on her left, God’s on the right,
Playing Yahtzee ‘til the Friday night light.

(Bridge)
Oh, Natalie, misunderstood soul,
Just tryna find meaning in her cinnamon roll.
She might not date, and she don’t flirt,
But boys still make her stomach hurt.

No rainbow flags, no secret side —
She’s just tired and wants to hide.
Don’t judge a girl by her haircut’s might,
She’s a Mission Impossible girl, all right?

(Chorus)
Oh Natalie!
She’s straight as a laser, just misunderstood,
Talks like a baby, but her heart’s kinda good.
A cupcake queen in a sugar-sweet fray,
But she’s not gay! (We got it, okay?)
Natalie!
With a life that’s bizarre in a lazy ballet,
Church, Mom, and Alexa — they fill up her day.
Jeremy Renner, you light up her way…
She’s not gay. (But you keep asking anyway.)

(Outro – Slow and dramatic)
So here’s to Natalie, 40 goin’ on 80,
Drives like a maniac, talks like a baby.
Don’t call her queer — not that she’d care —
But she’s straight, y’all. Let’s just be fair.