My life
Sad, violinLyrics
Nobody knows the pain I carry inside me. You may see me laughing and joking all the time but the truth is on the inside I'm not good. I have suffered so much loss and heartache in my life that at times I ask myself why am I still even here. I know what I'm like, I know my personality isn't well received by many. I'm well aware of my ability to alienate people around me. That's the frustrating part of being me.
I don't feel! Most of the time I am numb to other people's pain. I don't know why, I wish I knew but it's how I am. I build walls around my heart that are so high nobody can climb over them.
My life never turned out the way I imagined it as a kid. My family when I was young all died and I had to grow up on my own. The ones that loved me and that I loved went away. I guess I never truly recovered from that. And now here I am almost 50 years of age and the scars I've tried to hide are ever more visible to me.
Life isn't fair and it's unjust. And yet life is the one thing I cling to. It's a cruel relationship with life. It hurts you and hits you when you're down yet it's the one thing that I turn to when I feel myself slipping away.
So I live another day knowing full well that I'll get hurt. And I know that in some way I'll probably hurt someone else. And everyday I live I think about those that I lost along the way and realise that they got it easy....
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