The Dead's Saloon

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[Intro] There’s a place beyond the badlands... Where the whiskey burns like fire. You can enter any time you like... But gettin' out, your chance is dire... [Banjo begins – slow, sinister picking] [Verse 1] I rode in slowly to the town, with a full moon at my back, Dusty coat, worn out boots and a six gun painted black, No lights in the windows, no dogs in the street, Just a dead man's wallet lying there, in the dirt beside my feet. Then I heard that old piano moan, From a crooked bar under the moon, The sign swung loose with an eerie groan, which read... "Welcome to THE DEAD'S SALOON." [Chorus] There's Whiskey in a bottle, And Rum served at the bar, By a skeleton and two zombies, Who's bodies are all scarred, A dead man plays piano, Another played the spoons, But the doors are locked, and here you'll stop, In this... The Dead's Saloon. [Verse 2] I stepped inside, the room went still, Every dead eye turned my way, A gambler grinned through broken teeth, Said, "Boy... you're here to stay." I threw some silver on the bar, Said, "Whiskey — and a Beer!," The barman laughed and shook his skull, Said, "Your money's no good here." He poured a glass as black as coal, It burned like Hell going down, Then every corpse raised up their drink, As the piano keys hammered down. [Chorus] There's Whiskey in a bottle, And Rum served at the bar, By a skeleton and two zombies, Whose bodies are all scarred, A dead man plays piano, Another plays the spoons, But the doors are locked, and here you'll stop, In this... The Dead's Saloon. [Verse 3] At the far end sat a stranger, Black hat pulled across his eyes, He shuffled up a deck of cards, And said, "Come on... and join the guys." I sat across and dealt a hand, He laid aces, one by one, Then smiled and said, "You lose again... This time, I'll take your gun." I reached down slowly for my Colt, But my holster wasn't there, He tossed my six-gun on the table, And smoke curled through the air. "There's just one thing you've left to lose, So listen closely, son... Play me one more hand of cards — And I'll wager you the sun." [Bridge – music slows, deep gravelly spoken vocal] I said, "What happens if I win?" He smiled and poured a Beer... "You'll win what no one else has won, a Ticket out of here !" "And what about if I should lose?" He stopped...and said "Real soon"..., "You'll stay here in the land of booze... in here The Dead's Saloon!" [Banjo stops] [Heavy guitar crashes in] [Verse 4] The clock struck twelve, the candles died, The dead began to howl, The piano man kicked back his stool, And the barman gave a growl, I kicked the table, grabbed my gun, Put two rounds through the door, But every hole just closed again, Like there'd never been one before. I fired three into the ceiling, Then another through the wall, The stranger never moved an inch, Just sat there through it all. Then he slowly raised his glass, Said, "Son, you're mighty brave... But you can't shoot your way from here, When you're already in your grave." [Chorus – bigger, heavier] There's Whiskey in a bottle, And Rum served at the bar, By a skeleton and two zombies, Whose bodies are all scarred, A dead man plays piano, Another plays the spoons, But the doors are locked, and here you'll stop, In this... THE DEAD'S SALOON! [Instrumental – fast dirty banjo, harmonica and heavy guitar] [Final Verse] Then memories came flooding back, Of the badlands late last night, Three riders waiting in the rocks, Three muzzles flashed real bright. My horse went down beneath me, I felt a bullet tear my side, I crawled ten yards across the sand... Then closed my eyes and died. I looked down at my dusty coat, Saw the hole there in my chest, The stranger tipped his hat and said, "Now, cowboy... get some rest." Outside my horse stood waiting, Underneath the bright full moon, That road outside goes nowhere, But to The Dead's Saloon. [Final Chorus – slow, huge, gang vocals] There's Whiskey in a bottle, And Rum served at the bar, By a skeleton and two zombies, Whose bodies are all scarred, Now I sit beside the piano man, And sometimes play the spoons, Waiting for the next poor soul... To find... THE DEAD'S SALOON. [Outro – piano alone, glasses clinking] [Spoken – very deep gravelly bass] "Pull up a chair, stranger..." Hahahaha [Single banjo note — fade out]