Nan Is Stuck in the Loo

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[Verse 1] Nan took a magazine and shut the door, Said, “Back in five,” then slid the bolt once more. The kettle clicked, the postman came, Her slippers waited by the frame. [Pre-Chorus] We knocked twice, then knocked again, She called, “I’m fine!” from somewhere within. [Chorus] My nan is stuck in the loo, What are we supposed to do? Pass her tea beneath the door, Find the little plunger on the floor. My nan is stuck in the loo, She says the lock is feeling blue. When she finally shouts, “I’m free!” She asks who used the last loo roll, not me! [Verse 2] The cat sat guard beside the mat, Dad brought a screwdriver and a welcome hat. Nan said, “No fuss, I’ve got a plan,” Then asked for help from every man. [Pre-Chorus] We tried the handle, tried the key, She gave instructions loudly. [Chorus] My nan is stuck in the loo, What are we supposed to do? Pass her tea beneath the door, Find the little plunger on the floor. My nan is stuck in the loo, She says the lock is feeling blue. When she finally shouts, “I’m free!” She asks who used the last loo roll, not me! [Bridge] A tiny click, a squeaky twist, Nan emerged with a triumphant fist. She fixed her hair and took a bow, Then said, “Who’s making dinner now?” [Final Chorus] My nan was stuck in the loo, But she knew just what to do. Tea was cold and pride was warm, She’d beaten that bathroom door. My nan was stuck in the loo, Now the whole house has a queue. She points upstairs and says, “Not me— I’m using the spare key!” [Outro] The bolt is taped, the door swings free, Nan keeps the spare key secretly.