Loosing my self

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“LOSING MYSELF” [Intro — lonely piano, distant electric guitar] Yeah… I don’t know who the hell I’m looking at anymore. I recognize the face… I just don’t recognize the man behind it. [Verse 1] I been waking up exhausted from a war I never mention, Trying to drown the hurt inside another bad decision, Put my problems in a bottle, put my demons in a line, Anything to keep me from remembering the things I can’t rewind. I used to know my purpose, used to know what I believed, Now I’m staring in the mirror like, “Who the hell is me?” I been running from the person that I promised I’d become, And every road I take just leaves me further from the sun. I know what it’s like when nobody lets you in, When you’re standing in a crowded room but still feel alone again, I learned to love the outcast ’cause I know exactly how it feels, But somehow I became the one that everybody leaves. [Pre-Chorus — piano builds] And I hate that I can feel myself slipping away, I keep saying I’m okay when I’m dying to say That I’m scared of who I’m becoming, Scared of what I’ve done… Scared I’ll wake up one morning And realize I’m gone. [Chorus — drums + electric guitar crash in] I’m losing myself, trying to numb what hurts, Trading pieces of my soul just to make it through the worst, I don’t recognize my reflection, I don’t recognize these scars, I been trying to kill the pain But I’m killing who we are. I know what it’s like not to feel accepted, So I made room for everybody that felt rejected, Funny how I opened every door for someone else, While I was standing outside Begging somebody to save me from myself. [Verse 2] I remember being younger, thinking I could change the world, Now I’m counting all the ways that I let down the ones I love. Regret sitting beside me like it paid the rent for years, And every song I write is just another way to hide the tears. I got people saying, “You ain’t who you used to be,” And damn, they’re right… But I don’t know how to get back to me. I traded peace for temporary silence in my head, Now the quiet scares me more than all the things I said. I pushed away the people who were reaching for my hand, Then blamed them when they couldn’t understand. I was hurting, I was angry, I was drowning in my pride, And I kept telling everybody else I’m fine. [Bridge 1 — violin enters, drums drop out] Maybe I’m not heartless… Maybe I’m just hurt. Maybe all these walls I built Were protecting something worse. Maybe I don’t hate myself… Maybe I just hate what I’ve become. Maybe underneath these scars There’s still somebody worth saving from. [Bridge 2 — acoustic guitar + violin, almost whispered] I know how it feels to hear, “You don’t belong around here.” I know how it feels to give your all And still disappear. So I swore I’d never make nobody Feel the way they made me feel… But somewhere while I was saving everybody else, I forgot that I needed healing too. [Chorus — full band returns] I’m losing myself, trying to numb what hurts, Trading pieces of my soul just to make it through the worst, I don’t recognize my reflection, I don’t recognize these scars, I been trying to kill the pain But I’m killing who we are. I know what it’s like not to feel accepted, So I made room for everybody that felt rejected, Funny how I opened every door for someone else, While I was standing outside Begging somebody to save me from myself. [Massive Bridge — electric guitar swells, violin crying underneath] If you see me with my head down, don’t assume that I’m okay, If I tell you that I’m sober, don’t assume the hurt went away. If I laugh a little louder, that don’t mean I ain’t still breaking, Sometimes the strongest-looking people Are the ones barely hanging. I’ve buried too many feelings underneath temporary highs, I’ve told too many “I’m fines” while I was dying inside. I ain’t proud of every road that these broken feet have walked, But I’m tired of running from myself Every time my conscience talks. And if there’s still a little piece of me Buried underneath this pain, I’m gonna fight to find that man Even if it takes my whole damn life to change. ‘Cause I don’t wanna die just to make the hurting stop, I don’t wanna lose my soul Trying to forget what broke my heart. I wanna look into that mirror And finally know the face I see… I don’t need to become somebody else— I just need to find me. [Final Chorus — stripped down, then full band] I’m losing myself… but I’m trying to come back, Trying to pick up all the pieces From the person that I cracked. I don’t know how long it’ll take, I just know I can’t give up, ‘Cause somewhere underneath this pain I still believe I’m enough. I know what it’s like not to be accepted, So I’ll never let another soul feel rejected. Maybe I couldn’t save everybody else… But tonight I’m gonna try To save myself. [Outro — piano + violin] Maybe I’m not who I was… Maybe that’s okay. I’m just trying to become somebody I don’t have to run away from anymore.