The boy you left

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I had a friend name Diego in high school The teacher gave us an essay to write about what you love and what u dislike the most in your years growing up to graduation…..and I’ll never forget his essay…..it made me appreciate my life cause it could always be worse and the title to his essay was ….THE BOY YOU LEFT BEHIND [Intro — soft acoustic guitar, distant piano] Yeah… Some wounds don’t bleed, they just get older. And some sons grow up wondering why their daddy never came back. [Verse 1] I was barely old enough to remember your face, But I remember fear living all over that place. You’d come home angry, I’d hear that door slam, And I’d hide in my room, praying you wouldn’t come back. You needed money, I was just a kid, And somehow your addiction became something I did. You’d blame me for things I could never control, Then leave me with scars that got buried in my soul. I never had a mama to run to when I cried, She walked away when I was three months old inside. So I grew up learning how to swallow my pain, Building walls around a heart that was already breaking. [Pre-Chorus — piano enters] And everybody says, “That’s still your daddy,” Like blood makes the memories disappear. But they don’t know what it feels like To love somebody and still be scared of them. [Chorus — drums and electric guitar swell] Daddy, we ain’t talked in years, And I don’t know if you even care. I spent my whole life asking God Why you weren’t there. You left me with an empty house, A broken heart and a head full of doubt. I needed you to raise me, But you taught me how to survive without you. Now I’m older, but that little boy’s still crying, Still wondering what he did wrong. You were supposed to be my shelter, But you were the storm all along. [Verse 2 — acoustic guitar, violin underneath] I used to think maybe I wasn’t worth saving, Maybe that’s why you kept on walking away. Maybe if I’d had the money you wanted, You would’ve loved me enough to stay. That’s a hell of a thing to put on a child, Making him feel guilty for the life of a grown man. I couldn’t buy your drugs, So you punished me for what I couldn’t afford. I learned how to lie and say, “I’m okay,” When every night I was falling apart. I got real good at hiding my feelings, ’Cause nobody ever taught me how to heal my heart. [Pre-Chorus — piano becomes heavier] And sometimes I hate you, Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I wish I could forget your name. Then I hate myself for missing somebody Who gave me nothing but pain. [Chorus — full band] Daddy, we ain’t talked in years, And I don’t know if you even care. I spent my whole life asking God Why you weren’t there. You left me with an empty house, A broken heart and a head full of doubt. I needed you to raise me, But you taught me how to survive without you. Now I’m older, but that little boy’s still crying, Still wondering what he did wrong. You were supposed to be my shelter, But you were the storm all along. [Bridge — everything drops to piano and violin] If I could sit across from you just one time, I’d ask you something I’ve carried all my life: “Was I ever worth protecting? Was I ever worth your time?” I don’t need an apology To change what happened back then. I just wish you’d understand You weren’t fighting a grown man. You were fighting your own demons And I was just a kid. You abandoned me for your addiction, And I still carry what you did. [Violin rises] And Daddy… I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you. But I’m tired of letting your mistakes Become the rest of my life. [Final Chorus — emotional full band] Daddy, we ain’t talked in years, But I still hear you in my head. Every door that slammed behind you, Every word you left unsaid. I built a life from the wreckage, Turned my misery into songs. You taught me what a father shouldn’t be, And somehow I kept moving on. That little boy you abandoned Finally learned to stand alone. He still wishes he had a daddy, But he don’t need you to come home. [Outro — acoustic guitar and piano] Mama left when I was three months old… Daddy left me long before he ever left the house. I spent my whole life wondering what was wrong with me. Now I know… It wasn’t me. [Single violin note fades] The boy you left behind finally became the man you never taught him how to be.