TALL, SEXY & UGL

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You ever meet a man who walks into a room and somehow looks down on everybody? Not because he thinks he’s better than you… Well… actually, probably that too. But mostly because— THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS TALL. Ladies and gentlemen… Dirty fuckin’ GJ. [Verse 1] GJ walks in and blocks out the sun, Six-foot-whatever and reminds everyone. “How tall are you, GJ?” Nobody asked, But he’ll tell you anyway before you finish your glass. Got legs for days and a face for radio, But somehow that bastard still steals the show. Women look twice—we don’t understand why, He’s ugly down low but sexy up high. [Pre-Chorus] Is he handsome? FUCK NO! Is he sexy? HELL YES! How the fuck can both be true? WE’RE STILL TRYING TO GUESS! [CHORUS] He’s tall as shit! Sexy as fuck! Ugly as hell— But somehow got luck! Dirty GJ, you beautiful disaster, Every time he talks, somehow he gets taller! He’ll look down and tell you, “Boys, it’s lonely up here.” WE FUCKIN’ KNOW, GJ— YOU TELL US EVERY YEAR! He’s tall! He’s sexy! He’s ugly! DIRTY GJ! [Verse 2] Now GJ lives where the politics lean left, While he’s spent years saying he ain’t joining that mess. He’ll tell you he’s conservative, planted and proud, Then spend enough time around his hometown crowd. Now DD looks at Nubz, Nubz looks back, “Did you hear what GJ just said? What the fuck was that?” GJ says, “Boys, I haven’t changed at all.” We say— “NEXT THING WE KNOW YOU’LL BE HUGGIN’ A FUCKIN’ PRIUS AT CITY HALL!” [CHORUS] He’s tall as shit! Sexy as fuck! Ugly as hell— And confusing as fuck! Dirty GJ, you beautiful disaster, Every goddamn beer makes his stories get faster. Conservative yesterday, Who knows next year? But we don’t give a shit— JUST HAND THAT TALL BASTARD A BEER! [Bridge – slow sexy groove] Now hold on… We gotta talk about something uncomfortable. Look at GJ from one angle… Damn. Look at him from another… Jesus fucking Christ, put it back. One minute you’re thinking: “That is one sexy motherfucker.” Then he turns his head six degrees— “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?!” Scientists can’t explain it. Women can’t explain it. Nubz and DD damn sure can’t explain it. He’s simultaneously… HOT AND FUCKIN’ TERRIFYING. [Breakdown] How tall is GJ? TALL AS SHIT! How sexy is GJ? SEXY AS FUCK! How ugly is GJ? UGLY AS FUCK! Does that make any goddamn sense? NO! Do we love that bastard anyway? … YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT WE DO! [FINAL CHORUS] HE’S TALL AS SHIT! SEXY AS FUCK! UGLY AS HELL! AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK! Dirty GJ, founding member, IOR motherfucker we’ll always remember! LJ crawling and his beer held high, With his ugly-ass face damn near touching the sky! Nubz and DD raising drinks tonight— “GJ, YOU UGLY BASTARD… WE FUCKIN’ LOVE YOU, ALL RIGHT?” Tall! Sexy! Ugly! DIRTY GJ! Tall! Sexy! Ugly! DIRTY GJ! [Outro – spoken] GJ: Before you say anything… Yes. We know. You’re fucking tall.